Revolutionary Road
by JrBenson
Summary: How do you break free without breaking apart? Warning: Femslash relationship implied.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ok. I'm getting pretty pumped about Alex Cabot coming back for a few episodes; I decided to do another, yes _another_ story. I know I already have enough going on that I need to add another one!

No spoilers though. I don't know how the writers are going to play it out but I've read bits and pieces of interviews and seen a few photos that may _suggest_ something more had happened between our two lovely ladies in the past.

This is my take on how it could go down if I had any say in the matter. Just fun speculation from a gal that loves her wild imagination.

I own nothing!

**Warning****: F/F implied**

* * *

**_"One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are, when you don't come home at night."- Margaret Mead._**

* * *

"Where the hell is she?" Elliot slammed his phone down. No one knew where their ADA had gone to.

"This is bullshit! We need to get that damn warrant and Kim has gone AWOL," Elliot grumbled. He threw his pen down and rubbed his hand over his tired eyes.

Olivia messaged the back of her neck tiredly and closed her eyes.

"Were screwed either way. Gilbert Keppler already knows that we're on to him. He's probably on a plane to some island by now."

Elliot got up and headed for the coffee machine.

"Kim's been riding our asses since she's started working here about doing things right. Now that we've done it, she isn't here to get a damn warrant!"

"Not to mention, we're getting our asses sued," supplied a tired looking Fin. He and his partner had been hitting the pavement in search of any kind of needle in their preverbal haystack with no luck.

"God…this day just gets better," Olivia said as she rummaged through her desk for an aspirin.

"Then I suggest you go over to the good doctor's apartment and get more from him. Forget the warrant for now. I'll have Kim on stand by if you get anything useful. But for now, just go and re-interview him," Captain Cragen said with a heavy sigh. This whole entire case was turning into one bad nightmare.

Olivia glanced over at her partner and gave him a tired look. After ten years of partnership and a few bumps and bruises along the way, they understood each other without having to say a word. The pair grabbed their jackets and headed out knowing it was gonna be just another day at the office.

* * *

"Mr. Keppler! It's Detective Benson and Detective Stabler! Open up!" Olivia pounded on the door with no avail.

"You know, you could always try the door bell," Elliot said teasingly. Olivia just stared at him. Elliot shrugged and stood back as Olivia hit the door.

"Mr. Keppler! Open up!" Olivia demanded once again. "I've had enough of this. We're wasting our time," Olivia said sourly.

Elliot looked slightly surprised.

"Hey. You alright?" Elliot asked softly. He knew his partner was having a rough time but he'd never seen her so…restless like this before.

Sighing, Olivia smiled and nodded.

"Just tired," Liv replied.

"Listen, Kath and I were wondering if-"

Elliot was cut off by Olivia's hand on his arm.

"Do you see that?"

Olivia pointed to a spot on the ground just in front of the door. Elliot looked at where Liv was pointing at and his eyes widened.

Nodding, Elliot instinctively slid his gun out of its holster and waited as Olivia did the same. She nodded and Elliot tried the door knob. It gave way easily and both detectives glanced at each other quickly.

Olivia slid in first and moved to the side as Elliot followed close behind. They moved slowly through out the apartment until they reached Gilbert Keppler's office. Slumped over his laptop, lay a very dead Gilbert Keppler.

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other and sighed.

Their weekend just got longer.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing. No spoilers intended. This is just my take on how the episode (and future episodes) will go down.

Side note: I know this is really short and fast but I want to get this chapter up before I get to busy and before the new episode on Tuesday. I got to see a really small clip of 'Lead' from Youtube so I'm gonna end the chapter where the clip ended.

Side note 2: I'll write the next chapter after the episode airs. That way I get a clear idea what I need to write and where I want to take this.

Side note 3: The clip has Munch and Fin in it as well as Olivia but I kinda changed my story to not involve them in the beginning so I don't get into any kind of trouble.

**Implied f/f – you have been warned.**

* * *

_I like her because she smiles at me and means it. ~Anonymous_

* * *

Chapter 2

Anonymous

Elliot and Olivia walked around the crime scene putting together the last few hours of Gilbert Kepler's life. Warner and her crime scene techs were busy collecting evidence from around the apartment.

Finally, Elliot and Olivia stopped at where Warner was standing over Kepler's dead body.

"TOD?"

"I'd say early this morning. Rigour hasn't fully set in – I'd say between 1 am to 3 am. But I can't say for sure. I'll have to take him back to the lab. The puncture wound still looks fresh. I'll let you know what I find," said Dr. Warner as she motioned for two of her tech's to haul the body away.

Olivia nodded as Elliot quickly wrote down a few more notes.

"Kim is not going to like this. I can just see her loosing it now," Elliot muttered as they made their way out of the apartment.

Olivia smirked and nodded in agreement. She pulled out her phone and hit speed dial to inform Cragen of their findings. One of the lab techs motioned for them to follow him into the office where Kepler was found cutting short Olivia's phone call.

What they heard didn't make them anymore happier then when they first discovered the body. Sighing and scratching his chin, Elliot offered to speak to the nosey neighbour again while Olivia spoke with more lab techs.

Elliot and Olivia finally decided that they had enough and were about to head back to the station to fill their Captain in.

Elliot was walking ahead of Liv as he spoke. "Warner says that time of death was between 1 am and 3 am. But that doesn't make much sense with what the neighbour says. Since the dead guy can't really lie about his time of death, I'm figuring Mr.Gorski had one to many and has no concept of time."

Olivia laughed quietly and shook her head. "Well at least your guy didn't try and hit on you ever 30 seconds. These lab techs are getting younger and younger."

Elliot laughed. It had been long time since either one of them had something to laugh about.

"At least you'll be able to meet his mommy on the first date," he teased. Olivia gave him a playful shove. They were nearing the squad car when they heard a very familiar voice behind them.

"What have we got?"

Elliot and Olivia froze. They hadn't heard that voice in almost 5 years. Olivia wasn't sure if she was starting to hear things so she just stood still. Elliot on the other hand slowly turned around; his eyes widening slightly.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia turned around ever so slowly as if one misstep would shatter this moment.

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. She soaked in every inch of her as if trying to catch every single ray of light and store it away for later.

She felt Elliot behind her as she timidly took a step forward. She was vaguely aware of her surroundings.

"_Alex."_ Olivia whispered; eyes widening.

Alex Cabot smiled softly.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this took so long. Tax season is crazy, getting caught up in back logged work is crazier...spending time with my handsome little nephew...priceless. lol.

Anyways, I'm not going to stick with the episodes 100 percent just because I can't remember them and it's just a whole lot of work to get all the lines right. Plus there's the copyright issue. So I'll stick to what I (vaguely) remember and the rest I'll wing it.

* * *

Chapter 3

From the Start

"That ain't Greylek." Fin stated as he got out of the car. He glanced at his partner who was just as stunned. They glanced at each other then back at Alex who was talking with Benson and Stabler.

"Talk about prodigal daughter," Munch teased as he and Fin got closer to the group. Alex noticed the two and smiled gently at them.

Munch noticed that the smile hadn't reached Alex's eyes completely and there was dark shadow in the young ADA's eyes. He wondered how the years away had treated her. _Like crap I'm guessing,_ Munch thought.

"Ok kids, no need for introductions. Let's get a move on." Cragen ordered as he led Alex to the stairs of the crime scene. He noticed that his detectives were left standing in the same spot with surprise written all over their faces.

Clearing his throat, the Captain asked quietly, "Is there a problem?" His detective's blinked then realized they had been staring and got back to work. Olivia and Elliot followed Alex obediently up the steps.

They gave the former ADA a recap of what was happening with their scene. There was an awkward pause when Alex turned and finally faced them.

Olivia could see that Alex was no longer the 'Alex' of old. Something was different about her now. She still dressed the same, walked the same but something about Alex was very different to Olivia.

"You didn't even call," Elliot said accusingly. Alex swallowed visibly. _Why the hell did I agree to this?_ She thought frantically.

She was about to reply when the coroner walked by pushing the body of Mr. Keppler. Alex was momentarily stunned by it and spaced out for a second before she remembered where she was.

Quickly blinking and giving her head a shake she inhaled sharply. "Jack didn't give me much time to make a decision. I was just told this morning."

Alex knew darn well she had side stepped the real answer. Elliot looked like his usual pissed of self and Olivia...Olivia looked like her beautiful self. There was something hiding behind those brown eyes that was not there the last time she saw her, though.

"Conner's was extradited back to Ireland three years ago," Olivia stated simply. Out of all the people she had tried _not_ to hurt, it was Olivia she had hurt the most. Alex had always wanted to be the best for Olivia, make her proud of her. Make her lover _her_.

"I know." Alex said softly. Olivia could see that it was just as hard for Alex as it was for all of them. She wanted to give the younger woman the benefit of the doubt but Elliot thought differently.

"Three years. You've been back three years and not one phone call," he shrugged his massive shoulders as he spoke. What could Alex say to that? Yes, it had been three years. But those three years had been a nightmare. It was still hard at times, trying to cope with all the changes around her, _inside_ of her.

All three were quiet knowing that there was nothing left to say about the subject. Instead, they concentrated on the crime scene before them. Olivia glanced at Alex from time to time, worried. Alex would space out every so often, each time Olivia gently cupping Alex's elbow bringing her back to the present.

The day wore on slowly. They ended up back at the station house, crowding around Olivia's desk. By the time Alex thought she had enough information to get started on the case, it had gotten late. Elliot grunted a good night and promising to have his paper work done, made his exit.

Inhaling deeply, Alex turned to face Olivia. "I'm glad something's haven't changed," she said with a smirk. Olivia smiled gently and nodded.

"Not everything's same," Liv said quietly. Alex looked at Olivia with a questioning glance. She noticed Olivia had that shadowed look once more. She wanted to ask what was wrong but she thought better of it.

_I lost that right along time ago,_ Alex thought sadly. She looked down at her hands and begun to fidget with the cuff of her jacket, desperately thinking of something intelligent to say. Olivia watched her intently taking in the nervous movement.

Finally taking enough of the silence, Olivia reached out slowly and softly stilled Alex's fingers. She watched as the young woman swallowed nervously and took a steady breath before piercing her with the bluest pair of eyes Liv had ever seen.

Inhaling sharply at the sight of those eyes, Olivia cleared her throat. "It's getting late," Liv said softly. Alex nodded mutely. Liv almost wept when Alex gently pulled her hands from Olivia's soft grasp.

Olivia sighed inwardly. She pushed herself up and begun to clean up her own desk, shuffling and re-shuffling the papers that were scattered across her desk. With that task done, both women stood awkwardly for a moment.

"Well then…I think I've got enough to keep myself busy through my weekend. What about you?" Alex asked clumsily. She stood gripping her attaché case as if it would protect her from the onslaught of emotions that were going to come.

Olivia nodded as she stuffed her hands into her pocket. "Uh, yeah. I've got a full calendar ahead of me."

Again, they stood in silence. They looked everywhere but at each other until Olivia couldn't take the quiet anymore.

"Well, I better get going. Did you need a ride home?" Olivia asked nervously. Alex fought the disappointment that bubbled inside her.

Shaking her head Alex smiled shyly. "No, thank you. I'm, I'm good. Goodnight…Liv." Alex's voice trembled slightly as she spoke the nickname Olivia designated only for those in her inner circle.

Olivia felt a tremor at the sound of her name coming from Alex's lips. She had to steady herself by casually leaning against her desk. She gave Alex her trademark smile and watched as the young ADA blushed and slowly turned towards the door.

Olivia watched her. She noticed Alex's slightly slumped shoulders and gentle concern washed over her. _It's been so long she's not used to this anymore…_

"Hey," Olivia called out softly. Alex turned half way and glanced over her shoulder questioningly.

Olivia gave Alex the smile she reserved only for her. "It's good to see you again," she said very softly. She could see that her words touched Alex.

Alex smiled sadly, tears almost slipping. "It's good to see you too, Liv. Goodnight." With that, Alex turned once more and pushed open the heavy doors and disappeared down the dark corridor.

Olivia stared blankly at where Alex had just stood. She knew she shouldn't get too close again but Olivia knew that there was no use fighting it. The only problem now was what was going to happen when it was all over.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Liv grabbed her jacket and shut off her desk lamp. Pushing open the doors, she looked back at the deserted squad room and stared sadly.

Over the years, she's questioned whether or not she should stay or leave. She didn't have anyone or anything to look forward to. If she left, she'd have nothing but the four walls of her apartment to keep her company. But if she stayed, burnout was always hanging above her.

Sighing, Liv just shook her head and walked down the empty hall. This was her life, she knew nothing else. _That's not entirely true,_ she thought. _You knew who you were when Alex was around._

Even though she had no clue as to who that person was, Olivia always knew. Alex somehow brought that out in her. She could accept what she saw in the mirror when Alex had been here. She had grown accustomed to feeling that way. She had been addicted to it.

Until Alex was shot. Then everything fell apart. She didn't care about what she saw in the mirror anymore. She had begun taking too many unnecessary risks. And nearly paying dearly for it. But slowly, she was getting back on track.

But now that Alex was back, Olivia wasn't sure how she'd be able to survive this time around. _You don't have much of a choice, _Liv thought sadly.

Olivia squared her shoulders as she walked out of the precinct. She'd handle this just like she handled everything else in her life.

Alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the long wait. Had a bit of a medical scare but all is good. I'm working on the other stories so I should have another update soon.

I own nothing.

* * *

Chapter 4

Doubt

_People change and forget to tell each other. ~Lillian Hellman_

_You're really back..._

Alex sighed, took off her glasses and tossed them onto her desk. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she lent forward and rested her elbow on her desk. _If it were only that easy Liv, _Alex thought with a sigh.

She almost botched her first case back but with the help of Olivia, she was able to find her footing. Even Pertrosvky noticed her lack of commitment. Her second case wasn't too bad, her third was a synch. Pretty soon she was racking up wins as if she never left.

Rubbing her temples, Alex pushed herself away from her desk and strolled over to the window. She stared down at the city below as she leaned against the window frame and crossed her arms.

When she first returned to New York she thought she could jump right back into her 'old' life. That was nothing but a disaster. Her failed engagement was proof of that. She wasn't who she was 5 years ago.

_And exactly who are you now?_ Alex thought sarcastically. She had thought about that since the moment she had entered WPP. She still wasn't sure. All she knew was that the people she deeply cared about depended on her to be the 'old' Alex. And for now, that's who she was going to be…at any cost.

* * *

Olivia studied her through the window of her office. She watched the way Alex's shoulders slumped slightly as she made her way to the window. Alex's arms seemed to wrap the selves around her as if protecting her.

_Don't push her, Liv. Just give her time. She'll come around…she always does._

Olivia's frown deepened. It had been almost 2 months since Alex returned and the woman still wouldn't talk about the last 3 years. Olivia gave Alex the space she needed but Liv was so terrified that if she didn't do something soon, Alex would be gone again. This time the pain would be unbearable.

Olivia wondered what the last 3 years did to her Alex. How much it took from her. There were moments where she'd catch Alex staring off someplace or blanking out in mid sentence.

Olivia would simply gently draw Alex back to the present. She'd watch as Alex would snap out of it and continue on as if nothing happened. Olivia went along with it but it worried her a lot. And still, Alex wouldn't say a thing.

Olivia missed the times when she would catch Alex when she was most vulnerable. The young woman would catch her staring and Alex would give her the sweetest of smiles that took the breath out of Liv.

Olivia knew that those moments would never return. Too many things had changed between them. They weren't who they were 5 years ago. It was a sad reality but both women knew that. Nothing ever stayed the same.

Sighing, Olivia looked down at the take out bag in her hand. She contemplated whether or not she should disturb Alex. Just then Alex turned around and noticed Olivia standing out side her office and smiled.

Olivia's breath caught in her throat. It wasn't the same smile that she used to get but it was a smile that Alex reserved only for her.

Stepping to the side, Olivia took a deep breath then opened the door as she held up the bags. Smiling she sauntered in, placing them on the small table.

"Figured you could use some feeding," Liv said with a smirk. Alex laughed softly as she made her way to Olivia.

"Can't turn down a free meal now can I? Is Elliot coming?" Alex asked nervously. She watched as Olivia slipped her jacket off. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from drooling.

Olivia had changed so much in 5 years. Her hair was longer now, her face fuller then before. Gone were the tight sweaters and shirts. In their place were beautiful soft blouses – no less breathtaking. Yes, Olivia was beautiful but the woman before her was elegantly beautiful.

Alex had never really understood her attraction to the tough detective. She had chalked it up to working in a male dominated job and being the only two females in a position that was 90 percent male.

For years, she had worked along side Olivia. They both seen the worst sides of each other, were often at each others throats and yet they complemented each other in a very human, basic way. No other human being on this earth seemed to connect with her on any level – male or female.

Olivia knew how to bring out the softer side of Alex. She knew how to push in order to get the results Alex couldn't get on her own. Never once, did Olivia ever ask for anything in return. That just wasn't her style.

Now sitting next to the brunette, Alex could feel the woman inside her stirring. What was it about Olivia that could do this to her? She knew that Olivia was always uncomfortable with the reactions she'd get from others – especially the young females. Alex often teased her about it, making Olivia blush and stutter.

Olivia caught Alex staring at her again and swallowed. The look the blonde was giving her made Olivia turn red. She did her best to hide her blush by opening the cartons and handed out the utensils.

She cleared her throat and grabbed a box and dug into it. Every so often she'd glance up to see Alex staring at her. They'd smile and go back to eating in silence.

Olivia remembered the first day she had meet Alex. Damn woman was a spit fire with so much potential to be the best. The rest of the squad had dubbed her 'Ice Princess' – she was cool under fire and had an attitude that matched. But there were times when a case would hit too close to home and Alex would be forced to let down her protective walls and Olivia could finally see the woman underneath.

Olivia saw that Alex was just a woman in one of the toughest jobs. She knew that Alex was always pushing herself so far only to collapse under the pressure. Olivia could see the struggles Alex had to go through in order to be the best at what she did. Somehow Olivia had ended up being the one to pick her up if things fell apart, held her gently if things didn't work out, and protected her if any harm came her way.

And slowly, the door to Olivia's heart was unlocked. She couldn't understand why she was so drawn to the blonde. She didn't consider herself a lesbian; well at least she didn't think she was. She had dated men in the past, granted they never worked out. And she was constantly hit on by women on a daily bases.

If she really sat down and thought about it, the only relationship that had sustained the ups and downs of cop life was Alex's. The blonde knew how to get under her skin, make her think; make her want to be the best. More importantly, Alex made her feel _alive_. Olivia knew that it had to take someone very remarkable to get that close to her.

"See anything in there?"

Olivia blinked and stared blankly at Alex. The younger woman hid her smile as she wiped off remnants of her dinner. Alex nodded towards the carton in Olivia's hand.

"You were staring at it. Pretty intense," Alex said with a small smile.

"Oh," Olivia managed to say. She felt the heat rise to her neck and to her cheeks. Olivia heard Alex chuckle softly and quickly cleared her throat.

"Well, you would be too. Have you ever wondered what they put in this?" Olivia gestured to the now empty take out cartons.

"_Thanks_. I feel _much_ better now!" Alex said with a laugh as she started clearing the table. Olivia couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear – she felt proud of herself. Hearing Alex laugh was like listening to an angel sing.

Olivia got up and begun helping Alex. They worked quickly, occasionally asking the other about up coming plans. Alex picked up the last carton just as Olivia reached for the same one. Their fingers brushed the other sending a jolt of electricity through them.

They stood frozen in place, Olivia's fingers gently hovering over Alex's. There faces were inches apart, there breathing had quickened. Again, they wondered to themselves, their deep attraction to the other.

Both jumped back startled as Olivia's phone began to ring. Disappointed, Olivia straightened up and grabbed her phone. Alex looked away feeling as if she were intruding, and continued the clean up.

"Benson," Olivia growled. She watched as Alex picked up the rest of the cartons. She made a grab for Alex's hand but the other woman was already shutting her out and was moving away. Swallowing the hurt, Olivia looked around for her jacket. Alex handed it to her with a sad smile and stood back, waiting.

Finally hanging up, Olivia stared at Alex. Olivia gestured to the phone.

"That was Munch. Little girl was brought into the hospital."

Nodding, Alex was having a difficult time switching to her lawyer mode. "Let me know," she said softly. Olivia just stood and stared for a moment longer then nodded. She slipped on her jacket and headed for the door with Alex following.

Olivia turned around as she stepped out into the hall. "Thanks for the company," Olivia said with a warm smile.

"Thanks for dinner," Alex smiled shyly.

Olivia reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. Alex shivered as Olivia's hand slid down her neck then to her shoulder and down her arm to clasp her hand. Liv gave it a loving squeeze.

"Go get some sleep. You'll be hearing from me pretty soon," Olivia said gently with her trademark grin. Alex was having a hard time breathing but managed a nod.

"Good girl. I'll see you soon."

"Be careful."

Nodding Olivia let go of Alex and headed for the elevators. Shaking her head, Alex couldn't resist grinning. Olivia knew very well what that grin did to her.

Inhaling, Alex stuffed the papers she was working on into her attaché and grabbed her jacket and headed out. Again, she wondered how one woman could make her knees buckle with just a look.

She was pretty sure that Olivia was attracted, but how far did her feelings run? Was she willing to do anything about them? Alex didn't know if she really wanted to find out.

Stepping onto the elevator, Alex rested her head against the elevator wall. As the doors closed, Alex's cell phone rang. Looking down to see who it was, Alex smiled.

"Couldn't wait until I got home?"

Olivia chuckled on the other line.

"_Sorry. Your persuasive powers are needed."_

"Where?"

"_The station."_

Sighing, Alex looked down at her crumpled wardrobe.

"Give me an hour."

"_An hour?"_

"I need to go home and change. Besides, this will give them time to sweat a bit," Alex said with a smirk. She heard the smile in Olivia's voice.

"_Evil woman. I love how you think,"_ Liv said with a chuckle. Alex laughed.

"I'll see you then." Hanging up, Alex clipped the phone back into place. Special Victims always took too much from Alex but whatever _is_ left of her in the end, she would not regret coming back.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the delay. There were just too many things going on while I was writing this. Hope this is worth the wait. I own nothing.

******

"_To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world." _- Brandi Snyder

******

Lunch, Dinner...Maybe

The knock on the door was all Alex needed, right now. She had been swamped with cases that SVU were dealing with right now. She was also not in the best of moods since she didn't get much sleep the last few weeks.

With out looking up, Alex grunted in irritation.

"Go away! I'm busy!"

There was a slight pause then Alex heard the shuffle of feet entering her office then the quiet click of the door being shut. Alex inhaled deeply and smelt the husky sent and automatically knew who it was.

Looking up, Alex took her glasses off and tossed them on to the desk. Smiling sheepishly at Olivia, she blushed lightly. Olivia came strolling in with that famous grin and took a seat in the chair in front of Alex.

"That's no way to treat your visitor," Olivia teased. "Especially one that's come bringing gifts," Olivia said as she held a brown paper bag. Olivia's smile widened as she watched Alex smile brightly.

The last few weeks have been a bit crazy. They've seen each other only when work required them to and Olivia knew how hard Alex was pushing herself. But whether she was on call or not, Olivia found herself coming over here with some small thing just to see the young ADA.

Olivia also noticed that something had changed between them. She couldn't explain it but she new something was just different. She didn't want to stop seeing Alex that's for sure, and that in itself was frightening. She watched as Alex put her pen down and slid into the chair next to her. Olivia's heart rate went up a few notches.

"So what'd you bring me this time?" Alex asked playfully. Reaching out, Alex rested her hand over Olivia's and gently squeezed. Olivia felt all the air escape her as she looked up into bright blue eyes.

It took a moment before the detective realized she had been asked a question.

"Oh! Um, I got something from that Bristo place you love so much," Olivia said quickly. Embarrassed, Olivia held up the bag and handed it over. Alex just smiled shyly at Olivia's discomfort and graciously took the paper bag.

Alex took a peek and her eyes widened. She looked up and Olivia couldn't breath. Alex's eyes sparkled as she smiled brightly.

"Olivia! You remembered!"

Olivia blushed and shrugged. "I was just walking over here and I smelt it. I just had to get you one."

Touched, Alex leaned over and without thinking, placed a quick kiss on the detective's cheek. Olivia's cheek was warm and so soft. _Just like the women herself, _Alex thought.

Olivia sat very still. Alex's lips were so warm and so tender. _Like an angel, _she thought. Olivia had never felt anything quite like it. And just like that, Alex was gone. Olivia had to bite her tongue from groaning out loud at the loss of Alex's lips.

"I do hope you brought more then one. Because I don't plan on sharing this time," the blonde said playfully as she opened up the bag. Shaking her head, Olivia blinked a few times in order to clear her slow mind.

"What? Oh! Yeah, I did. I didn't want to risk not getting my dinner."

Earlier that week, Alex had dragged Olivia to lunch with her to her favourite Bristo. It was the only place that had what Alex called, the 'ultimate' comfort food.

_Olivia just looked on with amusement as Alex took a large bite out of her sandwich. __Shaking her head, Olivia took a sip of her tea._

"_Is that really all you're having?" _

_Olivia smirked as she reached out and wiped off some cheese lingering on Alex's lip. __Her thumb lightly caressed Alex's lip and she could have sworn she felt the young woman tremble. Olivia reluctantly pulled away cleared her throat._

"_I'd rather watch you chug__ down all that grease. Beside's grilled cheese isn't considered 'comfort food'."_

_Alex was quiet for a moment. She wasn't sure what just happened but Olivia seemed to move on fairly quickly. _

"_For your information detective, grilled cheese __is__ comfort food; well to me anyways. And I'll have you know, it's the most healthy thing out there," Alex stated as she chewed off a large chunk of sandwich. _

_Olivia threw her head back and laughed. As her laughter died down, she just stared at Alex. _

"_You know, I've never pictured you as a grilled cheese kinda girl." _

_Alex raised an eyebrow. "Really? What was it you were expecting?"_

_Olivia begun to shift uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, um…that's not what I meant," Olivia stammered. Alex smiled gently as she wiped her mouth then reached out and placed a hand on Olivia's. _

"_It's alright," Alex said softly. She looked away and shrugged. "When I was younger, the house keeper would always make grilled cheese for herself. I would always smell it and beg for a piece of it."_

_Olivia smiled as she watched Alex recounted her childhood. She found herself wishing she could have been a fly on that wall with Alex. _

"_That sounds wonderful. Where were your parents?" The moment the words were out of her mouth, Olivia wish she could have taken them back. The sad and lonely expression that fell upon the young woman's face broke Olivia's heart._

_Sighing heavily, Alex gave Olivia a sad smile. "On business," she said simply. Olivia was about to apologize but Alex smiled brightly as if nothing happened._

"_Come on detective; let's get back to bustin perps." And with that, the personal conversation was swept away. Olivia didn't like the feeling that Alex was hiding something. _

Olivia wiped off the rest of her sandwich as she watched Alex, once again, wolf down her dinner. Olivia couldn't hide her smirk.

"If I were you, I'd wipe off that smile detective," Alex said teasingly. Olivia flashed her million dollar smile and winked.

"What are you talking about?" She said playfully.

"Don't even try and argue with me. I _am_ a lawyer you know. And a damn good one, if I do say so myself!"

Olivia threw her head back and laughed. Her infectious laughter was all it took for Alex join her. Olivia nodded and caught her breath.

"Yes, you are," she said huskily. As they both quieted down, the air in the room became heavy. Both women looked everywhere but at each other, visibly uncomfortable. Unable to take it anymore, both women spoke at the same time.

"I better go…"

"Thanks for dinner…"

They clumsily apologised and gestured for the other to go first. Clearing her throat, Alex stood and smiled shyly as Olivia did the same.

"Thanks for dinner, again. You really didn't have to do that," Alex said awkwardly. Olivia was fidgeting with the buttons on her jacket.

"Don't worry about it. I don't mind, I like doing it actually," Olivia said nervously. "But, but if you don't want me to, then I can stop," Olivia stuttered. Alex's head shot up and looked on wide eyed.

"NO! I mean, please don't. Stop, I mean," Alex blushed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She took a breath and tried again.

"Please, you don't have to stop. I mean, that's if you want to…"

Olivia grinned. "Looks like were at a stalemate. Should I get legal advice, _counselor? Think I'd stand a chance against you?" _

Alex blushed as she smiled.

"I think you'd loose. I am the best after all," Alex said playfully. She was rewarded with that smile she loved so much.

"Then I guess it's settled. Same time tomorrow?" Olivia asked hopefully. Alex couldn't deny any request the detective asked for.

"Yeah. I'd like that." Alex was thrilled when she saw Olivia blush under her dark complexion.

Olivia felt exposed as she felt Alex gaze at her. Clearing her throat, Olivia needed to do something. Looking down at her watch, Olivia sighed.

"I better get going. Don't stay too late, counselor."

"Actually, I think I'm gonna call it a day. Mind if you stay for a bit? It won't take long," Alex asked hopefully.

"No problem. I don't mind at all," Olivia said a bit too eagerly. Alex smiled timidly as she packed her attaché case as fast as she could. She gave her desk one more glance then snapped her case shut.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Olivia said as she held out her hand and gently held Alex's attaché. She waited patiently as Alex closed up.

"Did you need a ride?" Please say yes, please say yes…Olivia thought anxiously.

"Would you mind?"

Olivia had to hold back as she felt her insides do summersaults.

"Not at all, counselor. That's what the city is paying me the big bucks for."

Alex laughed quietly as she fell into step with Olivia. They were quiet as the waited for the elevator. Olivia was having a difficult time restraining herself from jumping around like a fool. Alex for her part was having just a hard time as Olivia. She had to bite her lips from grinning like an idiot.

They stepped off the elevator, still in silence. They made their way to Olivia's unmarked car and settled in.

The drive to Alex's was quiet but not awkward. All too soon, they had reached Alex's upscale apartment.

"Well, here we are," Alex said as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Olivia was reaching in the back for Alex's attaché when their heads nearly collided. They were frozen in place as their faces were just inches apart.

Olivia blushed as she realized just how close they were. Clearing her throat, she pulled back and held up the attaché as if it would protect her.

"Um…I've got your case," Olivia said clumsily. Alex nodded silently, still wide eyed. Shaking her head slightly, Alex groped for the door handle. Olivia quickly exited the car and made her way to the passenger side and held the door open for Alex.

"Let me walk you up," Olivia offered. Alex smiled shyly.

"You don't have to do that, Liv. It's a safe building, I'll be safe."

"Humour me anyways, Alex. _Please_," Olivia begged childishly. Alex could help but laugh at the way Olivia sounded. Shaking her head, Alex nodded.

"Alright, detective. If it'll make you feel better," Alex said playfully as she opened the door.

Olivia gave her a lopsided grin that made Alex's stomach do flips. They walked quietly in comfortable silence. Every so often, Olivia stood close as she rested a gentle hand on Alex's back. Alex had to suppress a shiver every time they touched.

Finally stopping, Alex turned around and smiled. "This is my stop. Thank you for the protective detail, detective," Alex said playfully. Olivia didn't smile; instead she stared intently at the blonde. Alex begun to fidget under the intense look that was in Olivia's eyes.

"Why didn't you let me take you home," the older woman asked softly. It took a moment for Alex to understand what Olivia was asking. Guilt washed over her as she realized what Olivia was talking about.

"_Olivia…_"

"You didn't have to do this alone. I could have protected you," Olivia continued as if she didn't hear Alex.

Alex was quiet. She didn't know what to say. She knew Olivia would have done anything and everything in her power to protect those she cared about. Especially Alex.

"Olivia, please don't…not tonight," Alex begged.

Olivia sighed heavily and nodded. Olivia watched as Alex struggled with searching for her keys while balancing files and her attaché case with one hand. Olivia gently took the files and case and watched with a grin as Alex blushed.

Finally finding her keys, Alex held them up triumphantly. Opening the door and switching on the light, Alex made a move to take the arm load from Olivia.

"That's alright. I've got it. Just lead the way counselor," Olivia said with a grin. She followed as Alex led her farther into the apartment.

Alex spread her arms wide as they settled in the living room.

"So detective, see anything out of place?" Alex couldn't hide her smile. Olivia knew that she had just been busted.

Blushing, Olivia gave Alex a small smile. "Sorry, force of habit," Olivia said as she handed Alex the files then her attaché case. Alex raised an eyebrow but gave Olivia a smirk.

"At least I know my tax dollars are being put to good use," Alex said with a teasing note in her voice. Olivia chuckled as she ran a hand through her hair.

"I better go now before I make a bigger fool out of myself." Olivia turned to leave with Alex right behind her. She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway and turned to face Alex who was leaning against the door frame.

"Thank you Olivia. I'm guessing I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

Olivia nodded." Yeah. Maybe earlier, if you're lucky," she said with a small laugh. Alex smiled along with her. Straightening herself up, Alex had to beat down the urge to reach up and kiss the detective on the cheek.

"Goodnight Olivia. Drive safe," Alex said as she stepped back to close the door. Olivia was about to go but put a hand on the door, stopping Alex from closing it all the way. Alex looked up, confused.

"Um…did you, uh, did you want to have dinner with me?" Olivia asked awkwardly. Her heart was now in her throat, she was so nervous. Alex looked startled at the invite. Olivia took her silence as a negative and quickly back tracked.

"Or we could have lunch tomorrow. That's if you're available. If not, I can bring you dinner again at the office," Olivia rambled on.

Alex smiled as she listened to Olivia awkwardly stammer on. Reaching out, Alex placed a gentle hand on Olivia's arm.

"Dinner would be wonderful, thank you."

Olivia stopped in her tracks. Giving Alex a smile, nodded. "Um…I'll talk to you tomorrow about place and time."

"That'd be great. Can I suggest something?"

Nodding, Olivia looked hopeful, "yeah, anything."

"I'd love any place that doesn't require me to eat out of a box or in my office," Alex said teasingly. It took Olivia a moment to catch on but then she broke out into a huge smile.

"I'll keep that in mind. Sleep tight, Alex." Olivia reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Alex's ear.

Alex bit her lower lip and inhaled deeply. "Goodnight Olivia. Drive safe."

Olivia stepped back and winked. She waited as Alex closed her door and heard the lock slip into place before heading for the elevators. Olivia smiled as she just realized she had asked Alex Cabot out on a date.

_I actually did it. I finally asked her out. _Olivia's smile grew. She kept smiling as she got into her car and continued to smile all the way home.

Alex shut the door and locked it. She leaned against it for a moment, her heart pounding. She bit her lip as a smile grew on her face.

_She asked me out. Olivia Benson asked me out, _Alex thought. She pushed herself off of the door and wandered into her room. She got herself ready for bed all the while replaying every thing that was said tonight. Slipping into bed, Alex's smile grew wider.

"She asked me out," Alex repeated softly with a smile. Inhaling deeply, Alex closed her eyes and dreamt of a beautiful brunette.

_She asked me out…_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Enjoy!

* * *

First Date, First Kiss, Lost Friends.

"Don't say it Alex," Olivia begged quietly as the two were led by their waiter. Alex shook her head in amazement. When Olivia had called earlier that week to say that she had made reservations, Alex had a feeling it was going to be a memorable night. She just hadn't expected to be taken to the most expensive place on their first 'date'.

Alex smirked as she watched Olivia swagger through the restaurant. Many restaurateurs briefly looked up as she passed, some with open appreciation while others, curious glances.

Alex was pleasantly surprised when Olivia arrived at her place to pick her up dressed in a black dress that ended just above her knees. Alex also felt something in the pit of her stomach when she watched Olivia saunter through her condo.

"Alex?"

Alex blinked; she had completely missed what was said. She felt heat begin to rise to her cheeks. Olivia smiled as she watched Alex blush.

"That's a nice look on you Cabot," Olivia said with a grin as they slid into their seats.

"I was, uh, enjoying the view," Alex said with a sly smirk. It was Olivia's turn to blush. Clearing her throat, Olivia smiled shyly.

"Um, thank you. I think."

They spoke quietly until their waiter arrived to take their order. With that out of the way, they resumed their conversation. Every so often Alex would reach out and casually brush Olivia's fingers. She covered the action by pretending to play with the napkin that was by Olivia's hand.

Olivia, ever the observer, noticed Alex's slight brushes. She would smile softly each time, making Alex blush. Alex knew full well that Olivia would catch on eventually, but that didn't stop her. Olivia wanted to see just how far and how much Alex was willing to go. When Alex played with the ends of her napkin again, Olivia was ready this time.

When Alex brushed Olivia's fingers, Olivia quickly turned her palm over. Alex's eyes widened as she rested her fingers against Olivia's warm palm. Alex knew she was caught and she attempted to pull away, but Olivia stopped her. Just as Alex's fingers were making a hasty retreat, Olivia gently held on to them, her thumb caressing Alex's knuckles.

They stayed frozen like that until their waiter gently cleared his throat. Both women looked up sheepishly as the broke apart. The waiter smiled in understanding and quickly placed their plates in front of them and mumbled a hasty apology.

They eat silently for a moment, gauging the other's reactions. Alex seemed more nervous then her usual self-confident, 'I – can – kick – your – ass' self. Olivia found that cute, even a little endearing.

"Care to let me in on the joke, detective?" Alex gave Olivia smirk to take the sting out of her words. Olivia grinned wildly.

"You seem a little, how should I say this without risking life and limb? Out of sorts, maybe?"

Alex looked up, tongue in cheek. Olivia had the sexiest grin on her face. Alex had a deep urge to reach out and trace those beautiful lips with her fingers.

"_Really?_ That's a pretty shade of red, don't you think, detective?" Alex pointedly glanced at Olivia's chest, which had grown a deeper shade of red. Olivia burst out laughing as she placed her fork down and wiped the corners of her mouth.

"Touché _counselor_."

"My pleasure detective," Alex said with a cheeky grin and a wink. Olivia chuckled at Alex's playfulness. The blonde was clearly enjoying herself. This was a side of Alex Olivia enjoyed seeing.

They spoke of everything and anything, not wanting the evening to end. They didn't notice that their hands often found themselves or that one would caress the other's hands with a soft touch. Both women did, however, realize that this evening was the most fun either had in a long, long time.

The young waiter timidly stopped at their table once more. He cleared his throat.

"Um, ladies. I'm sorry, but were going to be closing in a little bit," he said sheepishly as both women looked up sharply.

"Oh! Oh God! I'm so sorry. I didn't realize -," Alex trailed off as the waiter just smiled.

"That's alright, ma'am. I just hope you both enjoyed your evening."

"Yes, we did. Thank you," Olivia replied softly as she smiled at Alex. The blonde felt herself being wrapped up in her smile.

Feeling slightly embarrassed for imposing on the couple, the waiter smiled awkwardly as he cleared his throat again.

"Um, would you like the check now?"

They nodded without looking at him and continued to gaze at each other. The waiter just smiled as he left unnoticed. A few moments later, the two hadn't moved and the waiter quietly left the check on the table and left them alone.

Sighing, Alex pulled back and picked up the bill.

"I don't think so, sweetheart," Olivia said as she snatched it away from Alex's fingers.

"Olivia, I don't expect you to pay for me. Let me pay for my meal," Alex said sincerely as she took out her purse.

"Alexandra Cabot! Don't you dare! This was my treat," Olivia said as she placed a warm hand over Alex's.

Alex looked up and was about to give Olivia a piece of her mind. Instead she was met with deep brown eyes that went on forever. Sighing, Alex closed her eyes and nodded. She could never say no to those eyes.

"Thank you," Olivia said softly. What Alex didn't expect was feeling soft lips on the back of her hand. She opened her eyes to see Olivia still holding her hand and gazing at her. Olivia smiled and placed her hand back onto the table.

Olivia dug out her credit card and signalled for the waiter. He came strolling by and smiled softly at them.

"I'll be right back." Olivia nodded and watched him go. Alex pushed back her chair as did Olivia. Olivia went around to Alex and helped her with her jacket.

"Thank you detective. I'm glad to see that chivalry isn't completely dead," Alex said with a smile.

"I am at your service, my lady," Olivia said playfully as she bowed slightly. Alex laughed and did a small curtsy. The waiter came back and Olivia signed for it. She quickly took her receipt and shoved it deep into her purse.

Alex just raised a delicate eyebrow. Olivia caught the look she was receiving and gave Alex her famous grin.

"Don't think of going through my purse, _counselor_," Olivia said as she slipped on her own jacket then held out an arm for Alex. She slipped her hand through Olivia's crooked arm and they both walked out of the restaurant arm in arm.

"I wouldn't dream of it detective," Alex said with a smirk on her face. Olivia laughed as they walked down the darkened street.

******

After a short walk, both women decided that it was getting very late. They hailed a cab and Olivia gave Alex's address then sat back in her seat. Alex rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and sighed. Olivia was a bit surprised but didn't say a word. She was enjoying the feel of Alex's head on her shoulder.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Olivia asked softly after a moment. Alex nodded.

"What about you?" Olivia was about to reply when the taxi driver stopped the car. Before Olivia had a chance to take out her wallet, Alex was handing over the money.

"_Alex," _Olivia said warningly. Alex just shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Keep the change." She gently nudged Olivia out of the car and took the hand that was offered.

"Alex, I thought I said I'd take care of -," Olivia was silenced with a gentle finger to her lips. Alex smiled as she felt the heat of Olivia's breath on her fingers.

"Thank you," she said simply. Alex moved her hand so she was cupping Olivia's cheek. Olivia felt herself being slowly undone. Sighing, Olivia covered Alex's hand with hers.

"Let me walk you up," Olivia offered but quickly added, "_please?_" Alex smiled tenderly and nodded. They both walked through the lobby quietly then made their way to the huge elevators.

They got of at Alex's floor and still neither of them had said a word. Stopping in front of her door, Alex turned around and faced Olivia.

"Thank you again for this evening," Alex said softly.

"You don't have to keep thanking me. I had a really good time."

Nodding, Alex fished for her keys. She unlocked the door then turned back once more to face Olivia.

"It's been a long time since I had nice evening out. I can't even remember the last time I _had_ an evening out."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I can't remember the last time I had such a good time on a 'date'." Alex laughed softly.

"Aren't we a pair?" Olivia nodded and grinned.

"Perfect match," Olivia said with a laugh. Alex smiled brightly.

They stood in awkward silence.

"Um, I better let you go," Alex said nervously, making no attempt to move. Olivia nodded again, still not saying a word.

Running a hand through her thick hair, Olivia was nervous.

"Um..."

"Yeah, this is weird."

"Ok, um, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow," Olivia said awkwardly. She took a step forward to give Alex a peck on the cheek. Alex took that moment to do the same thing and they found themselves in each other's personal space.

Alex had to hold onto Olivia's arms to keep herself from falling. Olivia held on to Alex's waist as to keep the blonde up right. Their breathing was slowly becoming shallow with each passing second.

Olivia could see Alex swallow visibly.

"_Liv,"_ Alex said breathlessly. It wasn't a question but more of a breathless plea which wrecked havoc on Olivia's senses.

"Goodnight," Olivia whispered.

"Goodnight," Alex just as quietly. Olivia's eyes fluttered shut as did Alex's as they moved every so slowly towards each other. Olivia felt a million butterflies in her stomach. She felt Alex clutching her arms in anticipation.

Olivia slowly touched Alex's lips with her own. A feather like touch to her lips was all Alex needed. She added just the slightest amount of pressure to Olivia's lips. It was a wonderful feeling, being kissed by Olivia.

Olivia angled her head just a fraction and kissed Alex's lower lip. Alex gently drew in Olivia's upper lip and sucked softly until she heard Olivia moan quietly. Alex moved a hand to cup Olivia's cheek, giving Olivia her approval for more. Olivia didn't disappoint. She drew Alex into her, deepening the kiss.

Air was threatening to become an issue, only then did they break a part. Olivia opened her eyes slowly and realized for the first time what they had been doing. Her eyes had widened, shock and confusion clouded her brown eyes.

Alex was just as surprised but she couldn't deny what they just did. She felt Olivia taking a step back, both physically and emotionally. Alex held out a hand slowly, not wanting to frighten Olivia any further.

"Olivia," she said softly. Olivia just shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I didn't...I never...I have to go," Olivia stuttered. She stumbled backwards and Alex reached out and caught her.

"Olivia wait!" Alex cried out as she watched Olivia running for the elevator. "Olivia! Please wait!" Alex tried to catch up with her detective but it was too late. Olivia was already inside the elevator, frantically pressing the 'close door' button.

Alex was left standing there, staring at the nothing. Soon her vision had become blurred as she realized she was crying. Walking dejectedly back to her condo, she slowly entered her apartment and tossed her purse, jacket and keys onto the couch.

She sank to the floor and rested her head on the seat of the couch and cried. Her hand went to her lips which were still warm from Olivia's lips. She had never been kissed like that before - like she meant something to someone. Like she was someone's entire world.

And the fact she was kissed by Olivia Benson. A woman of strength and courage. A woman that will give so much but asks for nothing. Her friend.

Her _friend_.

What had she done?

******

Olivia was shaking as she hailed for a cab. Her mind was racing, her emotions were everywhere. She couldn't understand it, any of it.

She just had the most wonderful time of her life. All of a sudden she was left feeling so confused and so very excited at the same time. She had no idea what was going on right now.

Climbing in, Olivia gave the driver her address. The cabbie just looked at her, concern written all over his face.

"You alright, lady?" Nodding, she wrapped her coat tightly around her. The driver just shrugged and drove to their destination. Olivia rested her head against the window and tried to make sense of what just happened. All too soon, they were pulling up next to her apartment.

Handing over the cash, Olivia slipped out of the cab and made her way into the building.

She trudged up to her small apartment and slipped inside. Tossing her coat, keys, shoes and purse to the side, she sank down onto her couch and curled up in to a ball.

She touched her lips; they were still warm from Alex's kiss. She liked how Alex kissed her – like she meant it. As if her very world revolved around Olivia. As if Alex would keep her safe. It was a heady sensation, being kissed by Alex. She had never felt those kinds of emotions before, and it scared her.

She had kissed a woman. _And _she enjoyed it. But that wasn't what was confusing her; she had acknowledged the fact that she had or was attracted to women in the past. That she could handle.

It was the fact she had kissed _Alex_. _Their_ ADA. Her co-worker. Her friend.

_Her friend._

What had she done?

******

"You sure you're alright?"

Sighing, Olivia just gave him a look that spoke volumes. Holding up his hands, Elliot shrugged innocently.

"Ok, sorry. You're just really quiet and it's starting to freak me out. That's all," he said as he got back to his paper work.

"It's called _'Monday morning'_, Elliot. That's more then enough reason to be quiet," Olivia said with a playful grin on her face.

"I would find that funny but seeing it's actually _Wednesday_ morning," Elliot said with a smirk. Olivia was saved from making a snappy reply when she caught a whiff of a certain scent flowing through the room.

"Morning Blondie. What did we do this time," Munch teased as he strode past Alex. Rolling her eyes fondly at the old nickname, Alex smiled softly at John.

"Nothing...yet. I actually came to see Elliot and Olivia," Alex said as she smiled at Elliot and at Olivia, who had suddenly taken a keen interest in looking for something in her desk drawer. Alex felt a little pang of hurt rush through her. It must have showed since Elliot's brows scrunched up in concern.

"Um, I need to go over a few things with you two before trial this afternoon. You think you can squeeze in some time before then?"

Not sure what just happened between the blond and his partner, Elliot nodded. "Yeah, sure. I think there's an empty room somewhere." As Elliot got up, he kicked Olivia in the shins causing her to jump slightly.

"Yeah, fine," she grumbled.

"Look, if it's a bad time it's not a problem."

Elliot shook his head.

"No problem at all." Alex doubted that but nodded anyways. Elliot led the way with Olivia and Alex following close behind.

As they went over their testimony, Alex couldn't help but sneak a few glances every now and then. Olivia had avoided her the last two days. She knew that Olivia was freaked out by the kiss, but she wasn't used to being avoided. Especially by Olivia.

"I guess that's everything, then. Thanks," Alex said quietly. She packed up her papers and shut her attaché case. She looked up only to see the retreating back of Olivia Benson. She swallowed the pain that she felt rising to her throat.

She felt Elliot's hand on her elbow.

"Is everything alright?" He asked gently. She smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yes."

_No, I'm not,_ Alex thought miserably.

"You sure?" Elliot knew a cop out when he heard one. Nodding, Alex gave him a small smile. Sighing, Elliot let her go. He knew something had happened between Olivia and Alex; he wasn't stupid. He wasn't sure what.

Alex waited for the elevators; she glanced down the hall when she heard a group of voices. She saw Olivia laughing at something John had said. Inhaling, Alex felt hurt pierce through her.

When you're a lawyer, you don't have many friends. Not in the real sense anyways. But that never really bothered Alex much until she was forced to leave 5 years ago. The two people that mattered to her, she had to see once last time.

Then returning for the O'Conner's trial, Alex vowed not to get close to the people around her. But seeing Olivia that night, her resolve crumbled. She missed the brunette more then she cared to admit to. She missed just talking to her, hearing her voice, her laugh.

Then she was whisked away again. This time she didn't want to say goodbye. It crushed her to leave.

Then coming home for good three years ago, it was a curse just as it was a blessing. She was coming home, but to what? A life that was left behind. She had nothing, no friends, no one to come home to. Her mother had passed away not knowing her only daughter was alive. Alex couldn't even attend her own mother's funeral.

Alex continued to stare at Olivia, watch her interact with her friends. _Friends._

She thought she had found a friend but she was wrong. She made a terrible mistake the night before. She crossed that invisible line that should never be crossed.

And she lost a friend.

Her vision begun to blur and Alex quickly looked away. She had to snap out of this fast. She was due to be in court in a few hours.

She was Alexandra Cabot. Ice Princess.

She didn't need anyone.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm back. Thanks for the reviews! It's what I needed to get this chapter done.

alexliv4ever: yes, there is much more up my sleve. I'm a magician you know! lol.

LOCISVU: Paientce little grasshoper.

Kendra23: very nice observation. Glad you caught that!

Gilmore-fan-svu-feak: All will be reviled in time.

Disclamier: I still own nothing - except for the story.

* * *

_Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. - __Benjamin Disraeli._

Plain Truth

It had been two weeks since their 'date'. Two weeks since that kiss. Two weeks of trying to avoid the other. At first, the guys played it off as a 'girl thing', but when they noticed how the other would purposely ignore or avoid the other, that's when they really started noticing.

Elliot noticed the dark circles under Olivia's eyes. She was moving a lot slower that her normal gracefulness and she always looked exhausted. John, Fin and Elliot all noticed how Alex would pale whenever she saw Olivia in the room. It was like something out of the _Twilight Zone_.

Everyone was tired of walking on eggshells around them. Not having the patience to put it off any longer, Elliot threw down his pen. He knew he had to step in when Alex practically ran out of the squad room, almost in tears, as Olivia tore into their ADA.

Getting up and pulling Olivia to her feet, he dragged her into an empty interrogation room. Not liking being man handled, Olivia yanked her arm out of her partner's grasp.

"What the hell is the matter with you!?" She rubbed her arm where Elliot held her.

Elliot was red faced. He paced the room with his hands on his hips, calming himself down. Taking a breath, he stopped two feet away from Olivia.

"What's the matter with me?" He growled. "I should be asking you that!"

"ME! What the hell did I do?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe ripping apart our ADA doesn't seem to warrant an explanation?!"

Eyes wide, Olivia prepared for battle.

"You know damn well! You were there Elliot! She practically told us that we just screwed ourselves and _her_ case! HER CASE!! We worked our asses off on this, and she has the nerve to tell me it's _her case_!"

Elliot moved so his face was just inches from Olivia's and did his best to tamp down his temper.

"So verbally attacking our ADA doesn't seem to bother you one bit?"

"Screw you! You've done it so many times; I'm surprised she hasn't filed a lawsuit against you!"

Elliot pulled back. His face still red, he just shook his head.

"I'm an ass, Olivia. She knows that, you know that, hell! My wife knows that! But you went to far just now! She's your _friend_, Olivia! She didn't need that, especially from you!"

_Friend._

Olivia paled when she heard Elliot use that word. Alex was a good friend and she had crossed a line that was never meant to be crossed.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Elliot asked softly when he had seen his partner turn ghostly white. He knew he hit the problem right on the head.

Shaking her head, Olivia refused to talk. Sighing, Elliot ran a hand through his thinning hair.

"You know, I love you like a sister, but sometimes I just wanna knock you over the head. Damn it you're stubborn." Elliot said with a chuckle. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Olivia tiredly.

"If you're not going to talk to me, then you need to talk to Alex." He held his hand up to stop Olivia from arguing. "Apologize to her, then. She deserves that, maybe more. Especially from you." He turned and left the room, leaving Olivia standing there alone.

Sighing, Olivia leaned against the metal table. She knew that Elliot was right. She had attacked their ADA for no reason. That wasn't like her to do that to anyone, especially to Alex.

But what the hell was she supposed to say to her? How was she supposed to explain for running out like that? How is she supposed to explain how she's feeling? Olivia didn't have the answers to that and Elliot wanted her to _talk_ to Alex.

_Well, you could always start with an apology, _Olivia thought. Sighing, she knew she was going to have to face Alex soon. Olivia knew exactly how she was going to apologize. She smiled as she thought about it.

******

Alex slammed her office door shut. Those in the hallways, jumped at the sound. She threw her attaché onto the sofa that was in her office and stormed deeper into the room.

She sat at the table that was farthest from the door and away from prying eyes. She put her head into her hands and cried.

Alex had an ass chewing from Jack McCoy, then from Donnelly about the way _her_ detectives handled a search warrant that morning and how losing this case would leave a black mark on Alex's career as well as the squad. Alex had intended to speak with Benson and Stabler about it, explaining why the evidence they had found was being thrown out.

Instead, she was met with angry eyes and worse, Olivia had ripped her to shreds; verbally accosting her. She was used to that coming from Elliot, but not from her. Never had she experienced pain like that.

Alex just stood in utter shock as Olivia spat out hurtful words. Alex knew that the detective was frustrated and tired. The entire investigation was taking a toll on all of them.

When Olivia was finished with her rant and turned her back on her, Alex swallowed the bile that had risen in her throat, spun on her heal and walked away quietly. The entire floor probably heard every word Olivia screamed at her. Alex was pretty sure that the gossip and rumours would soon start.

Alex just couldn't get a handle on things any more. Every time she tried, she'd end up being the preverbal whipping boy. The old Alex would have given Olivia a lashing of her own, but that part of her was gone. All that was left was a hollow version of Alex.

Alex didn't know how long she had been sitting there crying. She lifted her head and realized it had gotten dark outside. Alex pushed herself up from the table and tiredly made her way to her desk. She got started on the necessary paper work that would give her detectives a fresh start on a new warrant.

She prayed that this one wouldn't get thrown out.

******

It was almost 10:30 pm when Olivia walked down the empty hall. She had actually left work early and paced her apartment for hours, waiting for the right moment to apologize. As the hours ticked by, the more nervous Olivia became.

Then at 8:45pm Olivia made up her mind.

"Ah, screw it!" She grumbled and grabbed her jacket. She flew to the bistro that Alex loved and grabbed her favourite sandwich. She had walked around the block a few times trying to calm herself. Soon it had gotten dark and she hadn't seen Alex come out.

Mustering up all the courage she could find, Olivia climbed the court steps and flashed her badge at the security guard and made her way to Alex's office. Olivia just stood and watched her from the outside.

Alex had her head down reading file after file. She had a dozen or so text books scattered around her. Every so often Alex would pinch the bridge of her nose and Olivia noticed for the first time how vulnerable Alex was.

She felt guilt eat at her as she stood and watched Alex work so hard. Elliot had been right, and Olivia felt like a heel for the things she had said.

Inhaling, Olivia lightly tapped on the glass before she quickly turned the door knob and let herself in. She noticed instantly the weary, guarded look on Alex's face. She also noticed how red Alex's eyes were, as if she had been crying.

"If you're here to give me another tongue lashing, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Alex said quietly. Olivia noticed her voice was thick with emotions.

Shaking her head, and raising a hand, Olivia tried her attempt at humour.

"No, no, no tongue lashing. I come in peace, actually." She gave Alex a crooked smile. Alex just looked up tiredly and nodded then went back to reading her files.

_Okay, then,_ Olivia thought sarcastically. She sat down and waited until Alex looked up at her again. This time, Alex's expression was of annoyance.

"Is there something you wanted _detective_?"

Before Olivia could reply, Alex's phone rang. Sighing, Alex rubbed her forehead as she reached for the phone.

"Alexandra Cab-," she was cut off by the caller. Olivia did her best to no eavesdrop but it was difficult not to. The caller on the other line was upset and was yelling over the phone.

"I know Jack, I'm working on-," Alex was again cut off. She looked beaten down, and Alex had to close her eyes as Jack McCoy berated her over the phone.

"I understand. They have never let me down." Alex paused a moment as Jack begun another tirade. "Benson and Stabler's track record speaks for themselves. I _do_ have the utmost faith in them."

Alex pinched the bridge of her nose as she just closed her eyes.

"Thank you Jack. I do appreciate it. Good-," Alex heard the dial tone before she got the last word out. She sat there staring at the phone in her hand, "night." She placed the phone back on it's cradle softly.

Alex sighed and remembered that Olivia was there.

"Sorry, was there something you needed?" She asked tiredly. Olivia noticed that there were circles under her eyes.

"When was the last time you slept?"

That wasn't exactly how Olivia wanted to start, but at least it was out there.

Alex just raised a delicate eyebrow at her.

"I don't see where that is any of your concern, _detective_," Alex said coldly. Olivia sighed. _She isn't going to make this easy for me._

"I deserve that, I know. But you've been working yourself too hard," Olivia said gently. She didn't want to provoke Alex into an argument.

Alex glared at her. "Well, I wouldn't be working so damn much if you and your partner just followed the damn warrant I gave you. I even had to stand there while you verbally attacked my character. Now I have to clean up you crap on top of that. I don't _think _so, Benson!"

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. Olivia didn't know what else to say. It was all true; they had screwed up royally and Olivia was blaming Alex for their mistakes.

As if she had run out of steam, Alex simply nodded and slumped in her chair. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. She didn't hear Olivia come around her desk because the next thing she felt were Olivia's hands on her shoulder's and neck.

The warmth radiating from those hands and the light pressure from those fingers were doing wonderful things to Alex.

"Try and relax, Alex." Olivia's voice was the only thing that could be heard. Alex relaxed visibly and she was having a hard time staying upright.

"Lean on me," Olivia said softly. Olivia gently worked her fingers over Alex's shoulders until she felt them relax under her touch. She worked her way to Alex's neck and did the same then moved back to her shoulders.

Alex moaned softly and reached up to stop Olivia from turning her in to mush. She heard Olivia chuckle softly.

"Feeling better?" Olivia asked softly as she lightly pressed her lips on top of Alex's head. She felt Alex nod. "Good," with a one final squeeze, Olivia regretfully removed her hands and slid back into the seat in front of Alex's desk.

It took a moment for Alex to regain any of her verbal skills. Her brain was another matter. She opened her eyes to see Olivia smiling gently at her.

"Thank you detective. That was probably the best apology I've ever had." Olivia smile turned into a rugged grin.

"I'll keep that in mind, Alex."

They both smiled softly at each other. Alex remembered that Olivia didn't say why she was here in the first place.

"Did you need anything, Olivia?" Alex asked gently. Olivia was relived when Alex hadn't called her _detective_ or _Benson_. That was always a good sign.

"I, uh, I came to apologize," she said awkwardly. She shifted in her seat as Alex's gaze never left hers.

Alex seemed to understand what Olivia was apologizing for. Nodding, Alex didn't want to drag this out any longer.

Alex waved off the apology she knew was coming. "You don't have to apologize for that. I understand. It's probably for the best anyways," she said sadly.

Olivia studied the blonde woman before her. Olivia felt, as always, a stirring inside of her as she gazed at her. It was as if that kiss they had shared opened Olivia up and for the first time in a very long time, Olivia knew what it was to _feel_.

Swallowing the emotions that were running wild inside of her, Olivia took a breath before she answered.

"I don't think you do."

Alex just shook her head, "Olivia, I do. And I'm the one that needs to apologize. I could have stopped you before we-"

"No. Please don't apologize for that. I need to…explain why I reacted the way I did. At least try to," Olivia begged quietly. It was Alex's turn to study the brunette in front of her. Slowly she nodded.

Now that Olivia had the chance to explain, she had no idea where to start. Running a hand through her hair, Olivia blew out a nervous breath. Alex saw this was hard for the detective and decided to let Liv off the hook.

"I can see that this is hard for you. Look, you've already apologized, that's enough for me," she said quietly. Olivia just shook her head.

"You should never settle, Alex. Isn't that what they taught you in law school?" Olivia said with a grin. Alex knew when she had been had. She smiled softly at Olivia and nodded.

They fell silent once again. Alex waited patiently for Olivia to continue. Olivia felt herself blush under Alex's undivided attention and had to look away.

"It's just all so confusing," Olivia explained. She saw the look on Alex's face and quickly added, "I mean, not in that way that you think. I knew what I was doing when I kissed you!"

Alex looked a little confused. "Um, ok. You've just lost me."

Olivia smiled ruefully. "Sorry. What I meant to say was that I knew exactly what I was getting into when I kissed you. There was no confusion involved with that."

Alex was quiet for a moment, processing what Olivia was telling her.

"So what was it you were confused about?" Alex asked quietly.

Olivia scrambled to find the right words to say. Olivia chose her words carefully as she spoke.

"I've known for a while that I was attracted to women and that doesn't bother me. I'm fine with that part."

"So what part are you bothered by?"

Shrugging, Olivia did her best to explain where she was coming from. "It never crossed my mind to ever act on my attractions. Although I've had a few propositions, I never felt compelled to act on them."

Nodding, Alex slowly understood Olivia's position.

"So what you're saying is that there was no one that interested you? Not once?"

Olivia nodded, "yeah. That pretty much sums it up." Olivia was nervous as hell. She was clasping and unclasping her hands. She was never this nervous about anything.

Alex seemed to consider this. She took off her glasses and sat back in her chair. She had to know about that night. Why Olivia kissed her.

"So that night when you kissed me, what was that about?"

Olivia looked down at her hands and closed her eyes. She had been replaying that moment over and over again. She didn't know if she were trying to torture herself or relieve what it was like to be kissed by an angel.

"Olivia?"

Olivia swallowed and took a breath. She was struggling to find the words to say it right.

"I just...I wanted...I needed to feel again."

Alex just sat quietly taking it all in. She was dizzy from that simple admission. But she needed to hear more. She needed to hear the rest.

"Why?" Alex whispered.

"Because…you made me feel. You've always done that for me."

Alex reminded herself to breath as she asked, "then why did you run?"

Olivia looked Alex in the eye, and with out flinching she replied softly.

"You scare me."

They sat quietly, staring at each other. Neither moved, too afraid that they would shatter.

_You scare me..._Olivia's voice played over and over again in Alex's head. She shook her head, not believing it.

"I _scare _you? That's impossible," Alex said with a disbelieving laugh. She couldn't believe it. Her brave, strong, compassionate detective was afraid of _her_.

Nodding, Olivia smiled tenderly. "It's true." Alex could see that the other woman was serious. Alex felt butterflies doing some fancy dancing in her stomach. She was having a hard time wrapping her head around that.

Alex had to look away from those eyes. It was too much for her. Her head snapped up when she felt Olivia take a hand in hers and gently tugged at it until Alex stood. Olivia motioned for Alex to follow her with Olivia guiding them farther into the office. They stopped in just in front of the window.

"Olivia I-," Alex was silenced with a kiss. It wasn't like the kiss from their 'date'; instead it was the kind of kiss that melted you from the inside out making your knees weak.

Olivia had cupped Alex's face with her soft hands while Alex had to hold on to Olivia's forearms to keep from falling. It only lasted a moment but it did the job. They were breathing heavily when they broke apart with Olivia resting her forehead against Alex's.

"Sorry. I just couldn't let you finish that without knowing what it's like for me," Olivia said raggedly. She caressed Alex's soft cheeks with her thumbs before she let go. Alex's bit the inside of her lips to keep from moaning at the loss of those hands.

Alex could only nod; her speech vanishing for the moment. Clearing her throat, Alex straightened out her suit before she took a step back from Olivia. Alex took a moment to stare at Olivia's profile as the brunette stared out the window.

Alex had never seen a more beautiful sight. She was strong, tough, brave, kind, and compassionate. And on a good day she was your typical brooding detective.

"I don't brood."

"Sorry?" Alex was confused.

"You called me 'your brooding detective' a second ago," Olivia tilted her head a fraction and the moonlight hit her face causing Alex's knees to almost buckle. She reached out and held onto the back of one of the chairs.

Alex felt her cheeks flare up. She didn't realize she had spoken out loud. Clearing her throat, Alex scrambled for a smart comeback. Unfortunately she couldn't think of one.

"Well, I...I," Alex stuttered. Olivia just grinned at how flustered Alex was.

Olivia sighed and held a hand up for Alex to stop.

"What was it you wanted to tell me?" Olivia asked softly, getting back to the matter at hand. Alex nodded but still didn't say anything.

"Why is it impossible for me to be scared of you?"

Alex felt strong enough to take the few steps to the window, joining Olivia there. They both stared out the window at nothing in particular.

"You have no idea of the effect you have on people, do you?" Alex asked softly. She felt Olivia's eyes on her but Alex refused to meet her gaze. Instead, Alex continued to gaze out the window. It was safer this way; she'd forget what she was supposed to do whenever she looked into Olivia's dark eyes.

Olivia stood motionless. _What on earth is she talking about?_ This time it was Olivia's turn to shake her head.

"I've got mirrors at home. I don't see anything appealing about me," Olivia replied. She saw Alex close her eyes and give her head a shake. She had a ghost of a smile on her face.

"Typical," she whispered. Alex crossed her arms and squared her shoulders before finally turning to face Olivia.

"You're an enigma to the people that want to get to know you. But you make yourself reachable to those that _need_ you with out giving away everything. And I can count on one finger the only person that has more access then most to who you really are," Alex spoke softly. She could see Olivia struggling with what she was saying.

"You honestly don't know how much you effect people?"

Olivia was having a hard time breathing. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and shook her head. She tried to speak but words failed her. She saw Alex smile gently.

"You're a mystery Olivia. You never let anyone too close, yet you draw the attention of those around you. People want to know what makes you the way you are. Why you do the things you do."

Olivia was clearly getting uncomfortable by what Alex was saying. Shoving a hand through her hair she laughed embarrassingly at the praise.

"God Alex! You're making sound like a-."

"A Hero? A fantasy? Yes, maybe I am. But it is true." Alex said with all seriousness. Olivia felt her cheeks burn. Olivia was not accustomed to hearing such things.

"Oh come on Alex! I'm not much to look at. I go to work and do my job. That's it. No fairy tales or make believe about that," Olivia said a little defensively. She was stating to feel uneasy by everything.

"You know how pathetic that sounds? Liv, you wake up knowing full well that that very morning might be your last. You go to work thinking that could be the last time you'll be walking through those doors. Normal people would find that terrifying. You don't. You wake up and you do it, no questions asked. That's what separates you from other people."

Olivia didn't like how this was turning out. Alex could see Olivia on the defensive.

"Liv you may not see or even notice it, but you are a fantasy to people. Men want you because you're a puzzle to them. They can't figure you out. You get more attention from the fairer sex then they do, and that intrigues them – they want to know your secret. Why women are so drawn to you.

"Women want you because you _don't_ treat them like the 'fairer sex'. You make them feel safe and vulnerable without having them to compromise a thing – not their pride or their dignity."

Alex was closing the distance between them; Olivia was mesmerized by the blue of Alex's eyes. She couldn't stop Alex, even if she tried.

"You know how to care for victims; you know how to keep the survivors strong. You can get them to trust you, and with that, they get a part of what was taken from them. Don't you see? That's why I'm having a hard time with the whole _'you scare me'_ thing."

By now, they were so close that if either one wanted, all they had to do was lean in slightly and take what they wanted. But they held back, breathing hard.

"_You_ scare me Olivia Benson," Alex whispered. Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Two can play this game, Alex." Olivia said slowly. Alex was now the one feeling uncomfortable.

"What are you talking about?" The blonde said cautiously.

"You think you can pretend long enough not to feel a thing?"

Alex's brow's creased. She didn't like the look that was in Olivia's eyes.

"Ice Princess. Nothing but ice inside you, is that it? Is that why you can't feel a thing?" Olivia said it as if she were talking to a perp. Alex didn't like to be spoken to that way.

"I don't know what your game is, but I suggest you knock it-"

"Alexandra Cabot. Ice Princess. Doesn't need or feel anything. Is that it? Does it make it easier for you to sleep at night knowing that nothing can touch you?"

All blood rushed from Alex's face. She had never felt the urge to hit anyone in her life, but that was soon going to be changed if Olivia didn't stop.

"I suggest you back up what ever game it is you're playing, _detective_. And don't you _dare_ assume that I _don't _feel a thing." Alex had never felt anger or pain like this before. Her face was flushed with emotions, emotions she'd rather not delve into with Olivia standing so close.

"Oh, I don't think so, counselor. You walk around as if nothing can touch you. But I know different, Alexandra," Olivia said softly. Alex had taken a few steps back, but Olivia matched her step for step. Alex found her self stuck between the bookcase that was behind her and Olivia.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Again, Olivia just raised a delicate eyebrow. Olivia stared at her for a moment.

"Okay, then. What about Cheryl Avery."

Alex felt sick. She remembered the poor girl, of how she convinced a jury to find her guilty. Alex was disgusted when she found out that Cheryl would be sent to a male prison, she tried to clear her conscience by getting a judge to transport her to an all female prison. In the end, Cheryl was again brutalized and it was _all her fault._

Closing her eyes at the nausea she felt coming, she shook her head. Alex remembered not being able to sleep for weeks after that. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror knowing that she had a hand in what happened to Cheryl.

"Stop," she whispered.

Olivia either didn't hear her or didn't care. She just continued as if nothing happened.

"And what about Sam Cavanaugh?" She asked quietly. Alex had to make her stop, she placed trembling hands on Olivia's chest to push her away, but she found that she didn't have the strength to do that.

Sam Cavanaugh was a defenseless young boy, being used like an old rag by a man Sam trusted. Alex had pushed him too far, causing the boy to commit suicide. Alex went above and beyond for this young man. She had tried so hard to get the man that had hurt Sam and in the end, Sam had paid the price in full. To this day, his mother still despises her for what Alex had done. And to this very day, Alex could not forgive herself for taking away the life that was once Sam Cavanaugh.

"Have you been able to sleep with out seeing their faces? Or do you just go to sleep thinking about the next win?" Olivia asked gently. She was watching every emotion play out on Alex's face.

"Stop." Alex begged softly. She wasn't sure how much more she could handle.

"You didn't trust us enough to have your back. Are that much of an Ice Princess that you can't even trust the officers that work for you? You put our careers on the line; you put _your_ career on the line. Was it worth getting a month's suspension? Was it all worth Sam's life?"

Alex was cracking. She found what little strength she had and gave small shove, her hands still shaking.

"Stop, please stop," Alex begged raggedly. She had tears in her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. She just had to get Olivia to stop.

Olivia could see that she finally got through and felt guilty for doing what she did. She slowly wrapped her arms around Alex's trembling form and let her cry.

After a moment, Alex raised her head and gave Olivia a shove. She wiped her tears away and straightened herself and looked directly at Olivia.

"Why are you doing this? What are you trying to prove?" Her voice was raw with emotions. She couldn't believe that Olivia was doing this to her.

"You can't save them all, Alex. You have to let them go," Olivia said softly. She watched as Alex looked away.

"You blame yourself. For the cases you don't win, you blame yourself," Olivia continued gently. She knew she had touched on something when she saw Alex stiffen.

"Of course I do! I'm the last line of defense when your jobs are done! When I win, no one cares. _You_ get the credit. But when I lose, the responsibility falls on _my_ shoulders." Alex had moved away from Olivia, pacing the small area.

Alex stopped and jabbed her chest with a finger. "_I'm_ the one the families and the victims blame! _I'm_ the one that has to live with the knowledge that _I_ could have done _better_. You have no idea what it's like to live with that guilt every single day!"

Olivia had no idea. She just assumed everything just slid off of the attorneys back. She stood back quietly, _listening_ for the first time.

"You all think I don't feel anything. Well what the _hell_ do you expect, Olivia?! I get crapped on from the higher ups, then I get it from you, and then I get it from the media. I get it from all sides! I have to look the victims in the eye every day; I'm the one that has to tell them that I wasn't good enough to win.

"_I'm_ the one that has to tell them that their rapist, their abuser, their attacker gets to walk free and live their life while they have to live in fear because of _me_. So _excuse me_ for trying to get through all that without falling apart! So yes! Call me the Ice Princes! Call me whatever you want! If it can get me through just one more day through hell, then so be it!"

Alex had stopped yelling. She was breathing heavily as if she had just run through a nightmare; her face pale from exposing herself so openly. She felt tears slide down her cheeks and she turned away from Olivia, wiping them away frantically.

Olivia stood in silent shook. She had no idea that it had affected Alex so deeply. Olivia didn't realize the repercussions of what Alex went through once they were done investigating. Feeling ashamed at having been so thoughtless, Olivia took a step slowly towards Alex.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize what it did to you, I'm sorry," Olivia said softly. She was now standing closer to Alex's back. She reached out slowly, not wanting to scare Alex, and placed a gentle hand on her upper arm. Olivia felt Alex stiffen from her touch and was prepared for Alex to pull away.

Olivia was relieved when Alex didn't pull away. "I didn't mean for it to get this far, Alex," Olivia said lamely. It was a lousy excuse. Olivia was surprised when Alex turned to face her, tears still falling.

"What the hell were you trying to prove?" Alex said with hurt laced words. Olivia wanted to kick herself for doing it.

"You walk around as if nothing ever bothers you. I just wanted to take you down a notch, make you see that you were just as human as the rest of us. I didn't mean for it to get so out of control."

Fire flashed in Alex's blue eyes.

"Well you did an excellent job detective. I'm pretty sure Elliot and the rest of them will be happy to hear that you took down the Ice Princess all on your own. Job well done," Alex spat out sarcastically.

She was about to turn away again when Olivia grabbed her arm and spun her around, gripping Alex's arms tight. Olivia saw surprise in Alex's eyes.

"Stop calling yourself that, damn it! I have never thought of you like that. EVER!" Olivia was frustrated as hell as she let go of Alex.

"Just once I want you to need someone! I wish you needed me!" Olivia didn't know what else to do so she turned and stormed towards the door but stopped half way there when she heard Alex's soft voice.

"I did need you."

Olivia turned her head sharply at Alex. She was still standing where Olivia had left her, but this time, Alex looked so small and vulnerable.

"The first year I was in the program, I needed you then. I missed your face. I missed your voice. I missed the sound of you laughter. I missed your smell; I even missed your stubbornness. It was all I could do from going crazy."

Olivia slowly made her way back to where Alex was.

"Then one night I woke up shaking. I didn't understand why. When I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn't remember you face. I couldn't remember how you looked like, I tried, but I couldn't remember your smell. Where were you then? I needed you then, and you weren't there."

Alex was sobbing. Olivia wrapped her arms around her and held her tight as she cried. Olivia couldn't imagine not having the people she loved around her. The fact that Alex went through it alone amazed her.

Alex seemed to regain some of her composure after a moment. She was about to pull away when Olivia shook her head and continued to just hold her.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said sincerely. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

Alex thought she would cry all over again when she looked into Olivia's eyes. Instead she rested her head against Olivia's strong shoulder. She felt Olivia's hands running up and down her back, soothing away the stress she was feeling.

"I missed you so much Alex," Olivia whispered. Alex heard tears in Olivia's voice and raised her head. And true to form, Olivia had tears. Alex rested her forehead against Olivia's as she nodded.

"I missed you too, Liv. So much." Alex said as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist. They stood like that for endless minutes.

"I liked kissing you a lot," Olivia said shyly. Alex smiled.

"I liked it too."

Olivia raised her eyes to meet Alex's. They smiled as Alex nodded slightly. Swallowing her nervousness, Olivia licked her lips then leaned forward just as Alex did the same.

At first it was a soft, shy almost innocent kiss. Alex loved the texture of Olivia's lips; she couldn't help nipping at them for a moment. Olivia moaned softly, she was feeling drunk with each nip. She parted her lips slightly and Alex took the invitation. Slipping a tongue inside, Alex was greeted warmly by Olivia's eager tongue.

Both women held on tightly to each other as they brushed their tongues together. Olivia felt Alex's hands in her hair and thought she would pass out as Alex scrapped her nails over her scalp. Soon lack of air was getting in the way. Breaking apart but grinning wildly, the two took a moment to catch their breath.

Olivia was about to give Alex a sly remark when she felt her stomach rumble. Alex broke into a fit of giggles. Olivia looked sheepishly down at her stomach then looked back up at Alex.

"Sorry," she said with a shrug. Alex was about to give Olivia a playful kiss when Olivia held up a finger. "Hold on for one second." Alex nodded as she watched reached over to the table behind her with out breaking contact.

Olivia grabbed the brown bag she had brought in. She held it up for Alex with a shy smile.

"This was gonna be a peace offering but it got cold."

Alex wondering what it was opened the bag up then smiled. Looking back at Olivia she reached up to cup her cheek.

"Thank you," Alex said with peck to Olivia's lips. She pulled out a slice of the cold grilled cheese sandwich and took a bite. Olivia watched and wrinkled her nose.

"It's not that bad. Here, have bite," Alex said, mouth full. Olivia shook her head as Alex held up a small piece of bread.

"Uh, no thanks."

Alex shrugged and shoved it into her mouth. Olivia laughed and shook her head. Alex quickly covered her mouth as she tried to hide a yawn, but Olivia gave her a stern look. Looking down at her watch; Olivia was surprised that they were still standing.

"Oh boy, let's get you home." Olivia begun to move them into the main part of the office when Alex shook her head.

"I've got to get started on those motions for tomorrow morning."

Olivia shook her head, "honey, it's almost 1 am. You need to sleep," she said as she started packing up the papers that were scattered all over the place.

Alex tried again, "Olivia, I'm serious. Liz will have my head if I don't get them done. The motions-"

"Will be here tomorrow morning. Come on, I gotta get home and sleep." Olivia grabbed Alex's attaché and held out a hand for Alex. Sighing, Alex placed her hand in Olivia's and the walked out together.

"I hope you know that this won't happen often."

"What? Sleeping?" Olivia asked playfully.

"No. You being macho and getting your own way."

Olivia threw her had back and laughed. Despite the time, she felt more awake the ever.

"Duly noted. Now come on sleeping beauty, let's get you to bed." Alex let herself get dragged through the halls and into the waiting elevator.

Once inside, Olivia and Alex leaned against the wall; Olivia never taking her arm off of Alex's shoulder. Alex leaned into Olivia's strong frame and rested her head against her holder.

There was a lot more to be discussed, but for now, they had this.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

I apologize for the serious lack of updates. I'm working on each story in peices so it'll be coming in slowly. It's tax season so I'm gonna be super busy but I will try and do my best to update.

This chapter is a bit shorter then normal. Please don't be mad.

I own nothing except my awsome imagination. lol.

Enjoy.

* * *

_When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.  
~ By Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~_

******

Flirt

"Ok, now I know you're playing with me."

Alex shook her head as she took a sip of her water. It was another late night at the office with Olivia. Food was splayed between them as they lounged on the leather couch in Alex's office.

It had been almost 3 weeks since the incident in her office. There was still the awkward tension between them but it wasn't as pronounced as before. By some unspoken agreement, the two women decided to put it behind them and start fresh.

They started out slowly, each giving the other their space to get comfortable again, never pushing the other to give more. Olivia began to give a piece of her self to Alex as she told of her wild days as a teen never giving the blonde more. Alex understood Olivia's need to shield parts of her past away; God knew Alex had her own secrets.

Then little by little, Alex had begun to open up about her time in WPP.

"Nope. It's all true. I had to sit in a lab for 7.5 hours a day, Monday to Friday and label containers. The worst part was that it said in my file that this was my 'dream job'. Can you believe that? Who in their right minds would find labelling someone's pee a dream job?"

Olivia threw her head back and laughed. It had been so long since the last time she laughed like that. She missed laughing like this.

"So what would have been your dream job? You know, besides getting to work with me," Olivia said playfully as she winked. It was Alex's turn to laugh. Olivia stared at her for a moment. She never realized how much she missed Alex's laughter or the way she could brighten a room by just walking into it.

Inhaling, Olivia rested her head against the couch and closed her eyes. She had a ghost of a smile on her face. Alex took the time to study her in the dimmed room. She noticed the circles under Olivia's eyes and worry lines on her forehead.

Without realizing it, Alex reached out tenderly to smooth out those lines. Olivia's eyes snapped open but she didn't move. She had never felt anything quite like it, so soft, and gentle. When Alex's eyes locked onto hers, Olivia couldn't breathe.

Without braking eye contact Olivia slowly reached up and took hold of Alex's small wrist and brought her hand down to her chest. Alex felt heat rise from her neck to her face but she sat still, mesmerized by dark brown eyes. Her eyes widened slightly as she felt the beat of Olivia's heart race at her touch.

Alex was having a hard time breathing; she had to close her eyes momentarily. She didn't notice Olivia's other hand reaching up and threading them in her hair. Alex moaned softly as she felt strong fingers gently caress her scalp.

She felt herself leaning forward; the hand on Olivia's chest was keeping her steady. Alex's eyes fluttered open and she saw beautiful brown eyes staring right back. Their lips barley touching.

"Liv?" Alex asked breathlessly. Olivia knew what she wanted and instead of answering, she moved just a fraction, and their lips touched.

Just like that night in front of Alex's door, it started slow and soft and before long, progressed into something more. As soon as their lips touched, Olivia had both hands lost in Alex's blonde hair. Alex's hands went around Olivia's waist and pulled her closer.

A moment later Alex felt Olivia's eager tongue slip past her lips then retreated just as quickly as if asking for permission. Alex parted her lips giving Olivia a silent invitation and groaned hoarsely as she felt Olivia's tongue take charge.

Olivia shifted slightly in her seat so she could get better access. This was better then any of the fantasies that she'd been having of the beautiful blonde since her return. She felt the need grow in her belly and elsewhere.

Groaning loudly as Alex timidly brushed her tongue against her own, Olivia was sure that if she didn't get a handle on the situation soon there would be a lot of regret tomorrow morning. But she was having a difficult time concentrating since Alex decided to take that precise moment to slip her own tongue into Olivia's mouth and roughly explore it.

Olivia felt her pulse rate accelerate, her heart beat was beyond human recognition and in other regions...that was a different story. By now, Alex's hands were moving up and down along Olivia's back stopping every so often to caress or message a spot. Olivia groaned, loving the feel of Alex's hands on her. She was getting high from it.

A sound from down the hall had them jerking apart quickly. Breathing heavily, lipstick smeared and hair out of sorts, Olivia had never seen anything more sexy then Alex at that very moment. Olivia still had her hands in Alex's hair while Alex had hers loosely around Olivia's back.

Leaning forward and resting her forehead against Alex's, Olivia tried to slow down her raging hormones while trying desperately to form coherent words.

"Alex," Olivia said breathlessly. It seemed that was the only thing she could say. She couldn't have managed a whole sentence if she tried. Alex seemed to understand since the only thing she could muster was a nod. Olivia rubbed her nose and smiled gently at the younger woman.

Alex managed to gather up enough strength to entangle herself from Olivia's arms and sat back. Olivia noticed every emotion that played across her face. Relief, confusion, worry, want, need...it was written so clearly as if Olivia were reading a book.

"What just happened?" Alex was the first to speak. Olivia tried to give her an answer but it seemed her brain just wasn't ready to function just yet. Olivia shrugged her shoulders instead. Alex inhaled deeply then let it out.

"Olivia, I don't think-"

"Don't say it Alex. Say anything but that," Olivia pleaded quietly. Alex stared at the woman before her. Olivia met her gaze and held it for a moment before looking away. Alex saw the hurt flash across Olivia's eyes and was left feeling confused.

"What do we do now?" Alex asked softly. Olivia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Hell if I know," Olivia said a little frustrated. She honestly didn't know.

Alex pointedly looked at her watch and Olivia got the point. Sighing sharply, Olivia stood and gathered the empty containers and dumped them into the trash can. On her way back to the couch, she picked up Alex's already stuffed attaché and held her hand out.

"Don't start with me Cabot," Olivia demanded gently as she saw Alex begin to protest. Alex rolled her eyes and placed her hand into Olivia's. She was surprised at how soft they were. Soft and strong; just like Olivia herself.

"I'm sorr-," Alex was cut off by Olivia's lips on hers. Olivia moulded her lips over Alex's, silencing her apology. She moved over Alex's lips softly until she felt Alex melt then reluctantly pulled away. Alex stumbled a bit as the kiss broke, not realizing that Olivia was going to pull away that fast.

Olivia caught her easily but didn't let her go. She gathered Alex in her arms and rested her forehead against Alex's.

"I told you not to say anything," she whispered. Alex nodded, not trusting her voice. Olivia stood to the side but still had her arm around Alex's waist as they waited for the elevator.

"Mind if we talk at your place?" Olivia asked softly.

They both knew that after weeks of tip toeing around the subject and after tonight's kiss, there were some things that needed to be discussed. Again, Alex just nodded.

Olivia smirked at Alex's muteness. Grinning, Olivia gave Alex's waist a loving squeeze before leaning over and whispering in her ear.

"When I said I didn't want to hear it, this isn't what I meant." Olivia smiled wildly as she felt Alex's shiver. Olivia placed a gentle kiss on Alex's temple and settled beside the blonde.

"You don't have to worry Lex. I won't do that again if you want to say something," Olivia added softly. Alex felt Olivia pull her arm away as Alex stared gently at the older woman. Before Olivia could move farther away, Alex caught her hand and held it firmly in hers.

"What if I want you to do it again?" Alex whispered. Olivia's head snapped around and she stared wide eyed at the younger woman. The doors to the elevator dinged open and Alex gently tugged at Olivia's hand.

They were in the large marble hallway when Alex felt Olivia tug on her hand. She felt herself being pulled into a darkened corner. Under different circumstances, Alex would have been frightened but she was with Olivia after all.

They stood there quietly, Olivia staring into Alex's blue eyes. Alex hoped Liv would do something soon or else she'd have to take matters into her own hands. As if reading her mind, Olivia arched a fine eyebrow and flashed her world famous, bone melting grin.

Leaning forward Olivia closed the distance and kissed Alex gently. Alex slipped her hands into Olivia's hair to keep her close. Olivia could feel her knees begin to weaken and if she didn't stop soon, they'd be falling to the floor.

Smiling, Alex untangled her hands from Liv's hair and blushed.

"We really need to talk," Alex said softly. Nodding, Olivia motioned for them to get going. They left the building hand in hand. Olivia still had a smile on her lips while Alex grinned from ear to ear.

***

"You want anything to drink?"

Olivia walked farther into Alex's apartment and shook her head. "No thanks."

Alex nodded and hung her jacket before moving into the living room where Olivia stood nervously. She motioned for the detective take a seat.

"I'll be right back. I just want to change into something a bit more comfortable." Olivia looked up and nodded.

Alex hurried into her room and raided the closet. After silently debating with herself on what to wear, Alex quickly changed then took a breath and headed back out into the living room. She found Olivia standing in front of a book case staring at the photo's that were there.

Alex cleared her throat. Olivia's head snapped around embarrassed at getting caught. Olivia hastily put back the photo she'd been holding and wiped her hands on her dark dress pants.

"Sorry," she mumbled softly. Alex smiled at the awkwardness Olivia seemed to radiate. It suited her in a sexy-adorable way.

"That's alright. Have a seat," Alex replied. She watched as Olivia nearly tripped over her feet as she made her way to the couch a little too quickly. Alex lowered her head slightly to hide her grin. Olivia noticed and blushed even more.

Olivia waited patiently as Alex got comfortable next to her. Throwing an arm over her shoulder, Olivia pulled Alex in for a soft kiss and she felt the younger woman relax.

"As much as I want to sit here and have you do that all night, I believe you wanted to talk," Alex purred. She felt Olivia laugh softly. With a final squeeze, Olivia released her hold on the ADA and shifted so she could have a better look.

Olivia was so very nervous. She'd never had a conversation like this in previous relationships – she normally jumped right into one with out looking where she landed. 99 percent of the time those relationships ended in a one night stand.

But the woman before her was different. This was Alexandra Cabot. The woman that took down a drug cartel single handily, the woman that could make a perp cry for their mommies, a woman that took the blame whenever something went wrong and never once complained. This was her _friend_. Olivia wanted to do right by her.

"It's pretty obvious what we need to talk about," Olivia started slowly. Alex nodded but remained quite. "I'm not even sure how this is supposed to go. I've never had to have a conversation like this," Olivia continued honestly. Alex gave Olivia a loving look and reached out to caress her cheeks with the back of her knuckles.

"It's been a long time for me, Liv. I don't know where to start either."

Olivia nodded but kept silent for a moment. She didn't want to rush anything but she was anxious to get the ball rolling. Alex must have picked up on her restlessness because she leaned forward and gently kissed Olivia on the lips. She felt the brunette relax a bit.

Sighing contentedly, Olivia shifted in her seat and got comfortable.

"I guess starting from the obvious would help," Olivia said mildly. Alex smiled tenderly and nodded. When Alex didn't say anything, Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. "I guess I'll go first then."

Alex laughed softly, "Only if you want to," she said gently. Olivia nodded and gave her a grin. After a moment Olivia's expression became almost serious.

"What's happening here? Between us, I mean."

Alex was silent as she considered the question. They were what? Friends? Co-workers? Alex wasn't 100 percent sure. Yes they've shared an evening here and there, and yes, they most definitely shared the hottest kisses this side of the Hudson.

_The real question is: Am I ready for this?_ Alex thought. She chewed her bottom lip as she fought an internal battle. Olivia mistook Alex's silence as a negative. She swallowed nervously as she spoke.

"I'm sorry. This was a bad idea. I better go."

Alex snapped out of internal conflict to see Olivia quickly getting up and heading for the door. Scrambling up, Alex nearly tripped over the coffee table but managed to keep herself up right. She made it just as Olivia's hand reached for the door knob.

Reaching out quickly Alex covered Olivia's hand, halting her getaway. Olivia stood still waiting. She felt Alex slide her hand over her wrist and gently turned her around. Olivia's heart begun to beat loudly in her chest. The action brought them so much closer that Olivia could see the flecks in Alex's blue eyes.

Her hand didn't move from it's spot on Olivia's wrist but kept her grip lose. Alex slid her other hand to Olivia's waist drawing her closer. The hand that wasn't restrained wrapped around Alex's shoulders. They stood that way for minutes, sharing the same breath. Alex eventually let go of Olivia's wrist and wrapped it around her back. They were tall enough that they were standing face to face, a single breath separating them.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered softly. Olivia felt Alex's warm breath against her lips. The worlds finally registered a moment later and Olivia stiffened. Alex held on tight as she knew her Detective would get the wrong idea.

"Liv, let me finish," Alex demanded gently when she saw Olivia begin to protest. Olivia didn't say anything but looked away. Alex could see tears forming. Softly kissing her cheek, Alex whispered in Olivia's ear, making sure the brunette understood every word she was saying.

"Olivia, I'm sorry if I'm making you nervous." She held Olivia closer when she felt the other woman stiffen slightly in surprise. Alex buried a hand in her hair as she continued.

"I want you Olivia. I. Want. _You_."

Alex smiled softly as she felt Olivia shiver at her words. She lifted her head and placed a loving kiss on Olivia's cheek. Olivia closed her eyes and let Alex's softness engulf her completely. Alex felt the older woman relax at her touch and smiled triumphantly.

Tugging on her hand, Alex gently led them back to the couch. They sat so no space was between them. Olivia sighed and threw an arm around Alex's shoulders.

"I feel so...I don't know...natural with you," Olivia said as she blushed. Alex smiled and arched a delicate eyebrow.

"Care to elaborate, detective?" Alex replied with a smirk on her face. Olivia felt herself melt at how beautiful the blonde looked.

"I mean, when I'm around you, what ever I do – it feels second nature, like its already apart of me. It doesn't feel wrong. Know what I mean?"

Alex smiled warmly and nodded.

"Yeah, I've got a pretty good idea. The question is: what do we want to do with it? Is this something you want to pursue?"

Alex asked as she tucked her legs under her. Olivia thought for a moment. _Do I really want to start something now?_

"Olivia, don't make any decisions just yet. Think long and hard about this. I want you to be sure that the choice you make is one you can live with."

Olivia nodded as she reached out and laced her fingers with Alex's.

"Now what?"

Alex smiled gently and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"We enjoy this," Alex said softly. Olivia smiled as she placed a soft kiss on the blonde's head. "OK," Olivia whispered then settled farther into the couch.

They sat quietly, both content to stay that way forever. By some unspoken agreement, they were going to do things very slowly. They were smart enough to know that there would be problems, especially because Alex was Olivia's ADA and Olivia worked for her. So for now, things would be kept quiet.

As if reading her thoughts, Alex lifted her head.

"They can't know Olivia. No one can know about us Liv. Not yet anyways," Alex pleaded softly hoping Olivia would understand. She knew Alex was right but it hurt to hear her say the words out loud. Taking a breath, Olivia felt herself nod.

"I know Alex. We'll be careful." Olivia said sadly. She kissed the blonde's nose then rested her forehead against hers. "I know," Olivia whispered and closed her eyes.

Alex felt like she had kicked a puppy in the gut. As much as she wanted to let the world know about their budding relationship, the consequences would be devastating. Implications of favouritism and impartiality would be brought up. Her cases would be scrutinized more then usual. Alex didn't like the whole cloak-and-dagger aspect, but she wanted to protect her detective.

"I'm sorry," Alex said miserably.

Pulling back just a fraction, Olivia looked at her, confused. "For what, sweetheart?"

"I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. And now that I have it, I can't share this with anyone. I have to show you how I feel behind closed doors."

Smiling at how Alex looked, Olivia leaned forward and kissed her softly. Then gently cupping her cheeks, Olivia laughed softly.

"As much as I want you to elaborate further on the 'behind closed doors' thing, I don't think we're exactly that far in our relationship to test that theory out." Ducking from a playful swat from Alex, Olivia laughed harder.

"I'm sorry." Olivia chuckled as Alex made a face and crossed her arms. "Look, if it makes you feel better, we'll keep things strictly professional when we're at work," Olivia lovingly rubbed Alex's arms then gently tugged her forward for a quick kiss. "And at the end of the day when we step into the elevators and the door's close, we forget about work. It doesn't come with us when we're away from the office. That sound good with you?"

Alex sighed and nodded in agreement. She rested her head on Olivia's strong shoulder. Olivia smiled softly and kissed the top of Alex's head as she slid an arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"Everything will be alright Alex. Just enjoy what you're feeling right now," Olivia whispered. Alex nodded and snuggled closer into the warm body next to her. Smiling to herself, Olivia nuzzled Alex's hair before quietly speaking.

"I never thought I'd see this."

Alex raised her head and looked at Olivia. "See what?" She asked innocently. Olivia's smile widened as she glanced at Alex's upturned face.

Olivia gestured to the both of them. "You snuggled up like this. I always figured you slept in your power suits."

Alex sat up completely and crossing her arms over her chest, Alex just raised an eyebrow. "I don't own any power suits."

Olivia threw her head back and laughed. "So you don't deny it?" Alex looked mortified and picked up a small cushion and playfully smacked Olivia. Raising her hands to block the hit, Olivia only laughed harder.

"Ok _detective_ you know where the front door is," Alex teased. She got up and made a show of storming to her room. Olivia shot up out of her seat and quickly wrapped her arms around Alex's small waist before she could get any further.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said softly and turned Alex around. There was a smile on her face but her eyes told a different story. Alex reached out and gently caressed Olivia's cheek before she lovingly cupped it. Leaning in, Alex placed a whisper of a kiss on her detective.

"For the record, I own one. But breath a word of that to anyone I will deny it," Alex said with a twinkle in her eye. It took Olivia a moment to understand but then broke into a huge smile. Alex wrapped her arms around the other woman and they stood like that for awhile.

Olivia reluctantly untangled herself from Alex and sadly mentioned that she had to go.

"I stupidly switch my schedule with Munch's."

Alex took hold of Olivia's hand and led her to the front door. She handed Olivia her jacket and waited quietly until Olivia was done. Reaching out Alex fingered the leather collar on Olivia's jacket.

"Call when you get home, ok?" She whispered shyly. Olivia nodded. Biting her lower lip, Olivia glanced at Alex. As if reading her thoughts, Alex leaned in and kissed her. When the kiss broke Alex inhaled deeply and reached for the door knob.

"Be safe detective."

Olivia smiled and stepped over the threshold before turning back.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Olivia asked hopefully.

Alex smiled and nodded. "Pretty sure you will."

"Goodnight Alex."

"Night Liv."

They waited. Olivia rolled her eyes and smiled as she gestured for Alex to close the door. The blonde laughed and quietly shut the door. Olivia waited a second more until she heard the lock and chain. Only then did she finally turn and head for the elevators.

As soon as Alex closed the door, she stood on tip toe and looked through the peep hole. She watched as Olivia stood there until she had locked the door and slid the security chain over. She watched as Olivia finally turned and left.

Turning and leaning against the door, Alex shook her head and smiled. She knew that Olivia would have stood outside her door until she heard the locks. Pushing herself off of the door, Alex went into her room and got ready for bed. She had opened her closet and laughed out loud. There hanging in her closet was her very first and last power suit.


	9. Chapter 9

I apologize for the delay in updating. I've been having trouble with this story as well as 'All I Want'. I know this chapter is uber short – not like my usual ones. Hopefully I can find my mojo for this story and continue on with it.

Thanks for sticking around for this long. I appreciate it.

Please R&R.

Thanks JrB.

* * *

Amends

_Benson and Stabler are only loyal to __each other…_

Alex closed her eyes and groaned softly as the dull throbbing became a full migraine. Sonya Paxton's words rang in her head, loud and clear, like a chapel bell. Why did she even trust anything the former EADA had said? More importantly, why the hell did she even ask for advice on how to handle her detectives from a drunk?

Sighing, Alex took another long sip from her glass. She should have gotten something stronger then her gin and tonic.

The look on Olivia's face when she had learned of Alex's 'betrayal', it was more then the ADA could handle. Then hearing Olivia say that she had asked for a new ADA…that hurt more then any bullet ever could. She clawed her way out of Appeals only to have her ass chewed out and handed to her on a silver platter in SVU.

Alex's migraine was starting to get worse when she heard the key in the lock. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she stood and made her way to the door; only stopping a few feet away.

Olivia opened the door, her head down, moving slowly. She felt Alex's gaze on her and she slowly lifted her head. They stood that way for a long moment, both staring the other down. Alex could feel the anger radiating off of Olivia and at that moment, Alex couldn't blame her.

Olivia's eyes shifted around the room and noticed a half empty glass sitting on the coffee table. Clamping down on her temper, Olivia slammed the door shut – hard. The walls of the apartment vibrated from it. Alex jumped at the sound it created, her migraine opposing the sound.

Unconsciously, Alex lifted a hand to her temple as she closed her eyes, nausea close to the surface. Olivia felt a pang of guilt but it quickly faded when she remembered the events earlier that day.

Walking brusquely past Alex, Olivia marched into their bedroom and tore off the sweater she was wearing and tossed into the laundry basket. She quickly changed then stormed off to the bathroom with Alex following close behind.

"Will you say something?" Alex begged as Olivia slammed the bathroom door in her face. Alex stood there for a second until she heard the shower. Miserably, Alex trudged to the bed and sat on the edge of it. She looked around her room and everywhere she looked, there was something that belonged to Olivia. A knick knack here, a photo there scattered through out the room. It gave the once boring room a more warm touch all because of Olivia.

There relationship progressed rather quickly. Within 2 months of secretly seeing each other, Olivia had moved several personal items into Alex's apartment; as did Alex with Olivia's apartment. Soon they had a copy of the other's key and they came and went when ever they pleased.

It surprised Alex how natural it all felt – having Olivia here. She couldn't remember what it was like living with out the brunette. That should have frightened Alex, but in fact; it calmed her. The first night Olivia had slept over was the most precious night Alex had ever experienced. They hadn't made love but it was just as powerful.

Olivia had climbed into Alex's bed after witnessing the ADA having a rough time letting go of a particular tough case which the young blonde had lost. Olivia just held her letting Alex cry. Alex, embarrassed, asked to be left alone but the stubborn detective shook her head and said that she was there to serve and protect. Alex couldn't say no since Olivia playfully winked at her and kissed her softly making Alex's insides melt.

Olivia had begun to stay the night afterwards, claiming that her duty never ends, especially where Alex was involved. The older woman never once pushed Alex into giving more, only holding her close and kissing her trembling lips until she felt Alex relax. Alex liked how safe and secure Olivia made her feel.

4 ½ months later, both women were much more comfortable with the idea of coming home to someone. They had gotten used to the other's little quirks. Domesticated was the word Alex would describe how Olivia has become. The once rough and tough detective was now a kept woman. Alex covered her mouth at the thought. It felt so right, so ordinary to have Olivia here.

Even the fights, like now, made it so much more normal to be living together. Alex didn't fear Olivia walking out and not come back. Despite their agreement to leave work behind, it sometimes spilled over into their personal lives. Alex was well aware and prepared for that. What Alex didn't like was the silent treatment she got when they argued.

Hearing the water stop, Alex quickly snapped out of her musings and prepared for the battle that was to come. Olivia opened the door a few minutes later freshly showered. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Alex waiting on the bed patiently. She didn't realize Alex had waited.

Alex sat quietly, her legs crossed Indian style. She watched as Olivia tried to ignore her as she walked by and deposited her towel onto the bed. Sighing, Alex picked it up and neatly placed it on the back of a chair to dry out properly – one of the many quirks that Olivia had was the need for an air dried towel after her showers but the woman never took the time to actually hang up the darn thing.

After settling back down onto the bed, Alex waited until Olivia turned to leave the room. Alex had about enough of the silent treatment and stopped Olivia in her tracks.

"Will you _say_ something?"

Olivia turned on her heel and glared at her.

"I have _nothing_ to say to you!" Olivia growled before turning and storming off into the living room. Alex scrambled off the bed and followed.

"Then let me say some-"

Olivia whipped around and pinned Alex with dark eyes.

"There is nothing you can ever say to undo what you did! Absolutely _NOTHING_!"

Feeling her back against a wall, Alex tried to defend her actions.

"What did you expect from me? My hands were tied! If you'd just-" Alex countered but was interrupted again.

Olivia, her face red with anger, took a step towards Alex and pointed a finger at her face, "Just what? You should have trusted us, Alex! What the _hell_ were you thinking? You sacrificed a victim to save your own ass! " Breathing heavily, Olivia took a moment to catch her breath. She looked at Alex with sad eyes.

"It's one thing to put our jobs on the line for you, but to put Nikki Sherman through that…that's unforgivable. Since when did you ever turn on a victim? The Alex I knew would have-"

"I'm not that person anymore Liv. You know that already," Alex said softly. She ran a hand through her hair and looked away before adding, "It wasn't just _my_ ass that was on the line. I wasn't the only one being investigated by the State Bar."

Olivia's eyes narrowed as she listened. She had her hands on her hips as she realized what was being said. Her eyes widened and looked questioningly at Alex who just nodded.

"Jack called me in to his office to give me the heads up. Apparently, the squad was being investigated, particularly two hot head detectives. I was trying to save _your _asses _and _your jobs," Alex said tiredly. She let the weight of her words hang between them. Olivia now felt as if she had kicked a puppy.

"That's why I had to make sure that everything dealing with Nikki Sherman's case was solid. I didn't want anyone getting enough ammunition to shoot you down with. I wasn't going to let that happen," Alex said quietly.

"But what about you? If what you did backfired, if you'd lost the case, we would have had your back," Olivia replied. Alex looked at her with such sad eyes, Olivia wanted to reach out and take her in her arms.

Alex shook her head, "your loyalty only goes so far," she whispered, tears springing to her eyes. Olivia's head snapped back in surprise, eyes wide.

"And who told you _that_?"

Moving to the couch, Alex picked up her lukewarm gin and tonic and held it up, "a drunk old bird," Alex said dryly. She was about to take a sip but felt Olivia's warm hand on her wrist, stopping her.

"Paxton was a ranging drunk with an attitude problem that didn't have the balls it took to try SVU cases," Olivia let go of Alex and gave her a sad look.

"We would have had your back, protected you regardless, Alex. It hurts to know that you'd take the word of a drunk over all the years we've known each other and all that we've been through. After all that, you still can't trust us."

And with that Olivia went into their room and got ready for bed leaving Alex sitting in the living room by herself. Looking down at the glass in her hand Alex sighed and let a tear fall down her cheek. Getting up she went to the kitchen and dumped what was left, went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth before climbing into bed.

Olivia instinctively rolled over to let Alex in and opened her arms. Alex quickly shifted her weight so she was cuddled in Olivia's warm embrace. They laid there facing each other saying nothing. Alex reached out and played with the collar of Olivia's shirt while Liv played with the ends of Alex's hair.

"If given the chance, I'd do it again," Alex whispered. Olivia stilled for a moment then resumed playing with Alex's hair then cupping her shoulder, Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex lovingly. Alex moaned softly and buried her hands in Liv's hair.

Soon the kiss ended and both women were breathing hard. Olivia rested her forehead against Alex's as her hands ran along the blonde's back, lightly caressing it.

"If given the chance, you'd trust me," Olivia said softly. Alex nodded as she wiped a tear away. Olivia gathered Alex into her arms and held her close. The two didn't sleep for a long while, both just content with just lying there in the dark.

It was well past 2 am that the pair finally drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was getting a little frustrated with myself for not finding any time to write anything. I promise I will try to do better in the New Year.

This chapter actually came to me pretty easily – it was just finding the time to type it up.

Hope you enjoy.

**

* * *

**

**Friends in High Places**

A light tap on the door interrupted Alex's train of thought. Looking up, her glasses on the tip of her nose, she hid her disappointment when she realized it was just her assistant.

"Scott?"

He looked a little pale. He indicated to the TV set behind Alex.

"Turn on the news." And with that, he was gone. Brows creasing, Alex swivelled in her chair and grabbed the remote and hit the 'on' button.

What she saw and heard next, made her world shatter.

"…_this is another low blow for NYPD. __Detective Olivia Benson is a decorated officer who's been on the force for almost 15 years. Her work with victims and with the Special Victim's Unit is almost legendary. Has the stress of SVU have been too much for this veteran? No one knows for certain. I'm Sandra Reyes reporting live from Police Headquarters…"_

Staring blankly at the screen for endless minutes, Alex could only hear the sound of her heart pounding in her chest. She blinked and sat still, her head still buzzing. Just then her phone rang.

"Cabot."

"_Alex! Did you see it?"_

Leaning an elbow on her desk as her other hand went to cup her forehead, Alex nodded.

"Yeah, Elliot. Just a second ago. What the _hell_ is happening?" She and Olivia had been so busy with work the last few weeks that they had agreed to just go home to their respective apartments. They rarely had the time to see each other and it was starting to take its toll.

When Alex heard from Elliot that Olivia was under the weather a few nights ago, she had taken the day off and gone over to see her girlfriend. She offered to take care of Olivia but the older woman refused, stating that she didn't want Alex to get what she had.

Alex felt hurt. She honestly didn't mind taking care of Olivia. She actually enjoyed it. In fact, she _lived_ for it. All the hardships in their past to get to this point was worth it all. But some how it was slowly unravelling like a piece of thread being pulled apart.

"_It's…it isn't looking good for her Alex…" _

Alex wanted to cry. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed deeply.

"How bad is it?"

"_IAB is interrogating her now…hold on a sec…,"_ Elliot paused a moment. Alex could hear voices in the background. It was John yelling something. _"It just got worse. Tucker's sending her to the tombs! I gotta go Alex!"_

"Wait! Elliot!" But it was too late, he had already hung up. Alex's hands begun to tremble as she put back the receiver in its cradle. Sergeant Ed Tucker was the bane of SVU's existence. And if he was investigating Olivia, Alex was sure Tucker wasn't gonna waist a second of it.

She had to think fast. Olivia was going to need the best defence attorney around. Alex pulled open the top drawer of her desk and rummaged a moment until she found what she was looking for.

Flipping through her phone book, she landed on the letter 'L'. Swallowing her pride, she picked up her phone and dialled.

"_Langan," _the voice on the other end made Alex gag. Taking a breath, Alex swallowed the bile that threatened to over flow.

"Trevor-"

"_Ah…Alex. So nice to hear from you. And what do I owe this pleasure?" _Trevor asked smugly.

"Can it Langan," Alex growled. She fought the urge to hang up when she heard him chuckle on the other end. "I'm assuming you've heard?"

"_How can I not. It's all over the place,"_ Trevor replied.

"I want you to represent her," Alex said quickly. She knew Olivia would die before accepting help from Trevor Langan but they had no choice.

"_As much as I would like to, she can't afford me,"_ Langan said haughtily. Alex had enough screwing around from him.

"Listen to me, _Trevor_, she is my dearest friend. And as much as we all know that you belong underneath someone's crap infested shoe, I need the best to get her out of this mess. You got that?"

She waited as Trevor decided. It felt like an eternity before he finally answered.

"_I don't know…"_ He started slowly.

"All expenses paid for…by me," Alex threw over the phone. She was desperate. She'd throw herself at the man's feet if she had to.

She heard Trevor sigh.

"_She's that important to you?"_

Alex answered with all the conviction she had inside of her.

"You will never know _how_ much."

**

* * *

After calling in a few favours and being reassured that Olivia was truly segregated from the main population, only then did Alex seem to relax…a bit.**

She had called it a day and packed up her things and headed to her own lonely apartment. She knew that she couldn't go to Olivia's, not when she was sure that IAB was there looking for clues to incriminate her. She couldn't even go through the evidence to see if there was anything that would point a finger at who the real suspect was.

She wasn't going to give those leeches a thing to hang Olivia with. So she trudged her way to her apartment, went through her nightly routine and then settled into her bed. She tried to sleep but she just couldn't settle her mind.

Giving up the fight, Alex reached out and picked up her phone. She dialled a number that she new by heart.

"_Stabler,"_ came the tired voice.

"Have you found anything?" Alex heard Elliot sigh on the other end.

"_Nothing yet. Her arraignment is tomorrow morning, though…,"_ Alex heard a muffled voice, _"it's Cabot, baby. Go back to bed…no, I'm not catching tonight…," _there was a pause before Elliot came back on the line.

"I'm sorry Elliot. I'll let you go now." Before she could hang up, Elliot stopped her.

"_She needs you, Alex,"_ then he hung up.

Alex sat there, with the phone still in her hand. She felt tears prick her eyes as she replayed Elliot's words.

_I need her too…_

**

* * *

The following morning, Alex slipped into the court room unnoticed and stood in the back. The room was already packed with officers and detectives from all divisions and from all precincts.**

And on the other side were a hand full of bikers. She saw Olivia and her heart leaped into her throat. She looked…_drained_ wasn't the word to describe the way Olivia looked right now.

"Not guilty your Honour."

Alex smirked, _she may look beaten but she's still got sass…_Alex thought. The judge set the bail, Langan argued Olivia's ties to the community and to the department. The judge nodded then pounded his gravel.

Langan whispered something in Olivia's ear and it made Alex want to shove Trevor. Alex knew that it was nothing but it didn't stop the jealousy from growing. Just then, as Olivia was turning to be escorted out, one of the bikers stopped her and whispered something to Olivia.

Alex saw all the blood drain from Olivia's face. Olivia quickly turned to Trevor but he was busy shoving his papers into his brief case to even bother. Alex watched the display between Olivia and the stranger.

She didn't like the feeling she was getting. Alex knew with out a doubt it had to do with Olivia's time in prison. As she left the court room, Alex quickly dialled her accountant to make arrangements then quickly called Elliot.

"Elliot, I need you to do me a favour…"

**

* * *

Signing the log book, Elliot stood back and waited. He smiled as he saw his partner coming out of the dingy lock up.**

His smile turned into a grin as he watched Olivia rub her wrists.

"You made bail?"

Nodding, Elliot placed a hand on Olivia back to guide her out.

"Wasn't gonna let you stay here."

"You don't have that kind of money."

Elliot shrugged. "I put up a second mortgage," he said and threw her a wink. Olivia knew better then that. She was pretty sure who had posted the bail.

"Kathy will kill you," she said with a smirk. She had her answer when Elliot just smiled coyly and shrugged.

Shaking her head Olivia smiled as the two walked out into the bright sunlight.

**

* * *

Olivia sat on her couch reading the book that Alex had left behind weeks before. Alex would have been there but Olivia was still being investigated and she wasn't going to put the blonde in that position.**

So Olivia sat alone in her apartment, slowly losing her mind. Although she loved the time off, she missed her work. She missed Alex more. She missed having Alex here the most.

_I should call her…_, Olivia thinks to herself.

Hearing a knock on the door, Olivia sighed and stood up.

"I swear Callahan; you have a bladder the size of a pea," Olivia called out teasingly. Officer Callahan was assigned as her baby sister and was in constant need of her toilet.

Half way to the door, her phone rings.

"One second Callahan," Olivia called out and turned for the phone. But before she could get to it, her door exploded open. Barely getting a chance to see who the intruder was Olivia took off for her room. The intruder followed her in and as he entered Olivia swung the lamp she had grabbed at him.

Olivia made the mistake of running into her room, thinking she could box herself in there and call for help. That plan backfired and Olivia's survival instincts kicked in. And when she saw Brady pull out a taser and place it on the dresser, Olivia knew that there was only one way out for her.

**

* * *

**

Alex pushed her way through the crime scene.

"Where is she?" Alex demanded as soon as she spotted Elliot. He didn't get to answer when Olivia came from behind Alex and placed a hand on her shoulder. Alex spun around and almost cried in relief at the sight of her Olivia.

Without thinking, Alex engulfed Olivia in a hug. Olivia, either still in shock or she just didn't care anymore, returned the hug by giving Alex a squeeze. Olivia buried her face in the crook of Alex's neck and inhaled deeply.

"Are you ok?" Alex asked softly in her ear. Nodding silently, Olivia just held on tighter. Olivia felt Alex run her hands up and down her back then stopping at her shoulders to give them a loving squeeze.

Pulling away just far enough but not letting her go, Olivia smiled tiredly and brushed away the hair that had fallen over Alex's beautiful eyes. They both rested their foreheads together for a moment, both catching their breaths before Alex turned around.

"She's coming home with me," she stated to Elliot who had placed Olivia's duffle bag at their feet. Elliot apparently had left the two alone and had packed Olivia's things for her.

"I know," he replied softly. Elliot just smiled knowingly and winked at them. "Swing by the station tomorrow to give your statements." With that he escorted the two women out of the building and into a waiting taxi.

**

* * *

Back in her apartment, Alex couldn't sit still. She fussed over Olivia, then fussed over the tea kettle then fussed over Olivia again until Liv caught her hand and gently pulled.**

Alex tumbled onto the bed next to Olivia. They both laid there for a moment facing each other but not looking at the other, both processing what happened. Sighing deeply, Olivia looked back at Alex and was surprised by what she saw.

"Alex?" Olivia whispered softly. She reached out and wiped a tear from Alex's cheek. Alex quickly grabbed Olivia's hand before the other woman pulled away. Alex held on for dear life, as if Olivia would disappear if she let go.

"Are you ok?" Alex asked as she sniffed. She plastered on a fake smile knowing that Olivia would see right through her. True to form, Olivia cupped Alex's cheek and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips.

"I'm better now," Olivia said quietly. "C'mere," Olivia said lovingly as she gathered Alex into her arms. Alex could not hold in the tears she had been fighting any longer. Alex threw her arms around Olivia and let her tears fall as she buried her face in Olivia's chest.

Olivia just held her and let her cry. She could feel her own falling as she lay there with Alex. After a few minutes, Alex lifted her head and smiled sheepishly.

"Thanks," she said as she brushed her hair from her face. Olivia smiled tenderly as she kissed Alex again.

"You scared me," Alex mumbled softly as she rested her head in the crook of Olivia's neck.

Olivia inhaled deeply and sighed.

"I know," was all she said. Alex rubbed Olivia's shoulder then ran a hand down the length of her arm to clasp Olivia's fingers with her own.

"Will you let me take care of you?" Alex asked softly. She held her breath as she waited for Olivia's reply. She knew that Olivia hated to feel so helpless.

Kissing the top of Alex's head, Olivia nodded as she replied, "Yes." Alex lifted her head to stare down at Olivia. Alex saw that this whole case shook her detective to her core. It made Olivia feel vulnerable – something Olivia wasn't used to feeling.

Leaning down Alex gently kissed Olivia's lips before she kissed her more fully. Olivia closed her eyes, feeling every drop of emotion Alex was giving her. Alex explored Olivia's mouth, her tongue sliding over hers, making Olivia moan out loud.

Alex felt Olivia's hands slid into her hair and cupping the back of her head. One of Olivia's hands slid down Alex's back and manoeuvred her so Alex was now on top of Olivia and held her there.

Olivia could feel warm skin underneath her hand. Still lost in Alex's kiss, Olivia couldn't help herself but stroke the exposed flesh. Her fingertips slowly moved upwards, pushing Alex's t-shirt along as Alex whimpered.

Breaking away from the kiss, Alex was breathing heavily. Olivia's eyes were heavy lidded as she stared up at Alex, her hands trembling.

"Liv," Alex whispered, trying to catch Olivia's attention. Olivia blinked several times then shut her eyes tight and reopened them trying to regain control. Alex balanced herself on her arms staring down at Olivia until brown eyes met her own.

Olivia could see the question in those eyes. They had never discussed this – physical intimacy. They both figured that when it happened it would happen naturally. They had been together almost eight months and neither pushed or pressured the other into more.

All Olivia knew was that she truly wanted this with _this_ woman. With _her _Alex and no one else. Alex had explained a few months back, that her 'first' time with another woman while she was in witness protection was a learning experience. Olivia had promised that they'd learn together when the time came.

Olivia held Alex's gaze as she gave her a slight nod then pulled her down for a heated kiss. Olivia continued to explore Alex's back until she felt the blonde begin to get restless. Pushing herself up, straddling Olivia's waist, Alex lovingly stared down at her.

Olivia's hands went to the hem of Alex's t-shirt and slowly removed the piece of clothing. Then lying back, Olivia admired the woman before her. Alex had tried to cover herself up but Olivia just shook her had and gently held her arms at bay. Alex felt too exposed as Olivia gazed up at her.

Olivia rested her hands just above the waist of Alex's track pants. She watched as Alex swallowed nervously.

"We don't have to-"

Alex cut her off before she could finish. "I want to," Alex replied softly as she bit her bottom lip. Olivia nodded and waited for Alex's to make the next move. Shyly reaching out, Alex gently tugged on Olivia's wrists. Olivia got the hint and sat up.

Alex then timidly pulled off Olivia's t-shirt and tossed it to the side. The small action caused Olivia to grin since Alex was always so neat and tidy. Seeing Olivia's grin made Alex relax…a little.

Olivia sat there and wrapped her arms around Alex and held her gently. Alex did the same and she waited for her heart to slow down.

"You ok?" Olivia whispered. She was looking up from her position and she could clearly see Alex was tense. Alex swallowed and nodded. Olivia continued to hold her as they waited. Olivia slowly ran her hands up and down Alex's back, trying to get her comfortable.

What Olivia didn't know was that it was the undemanding touch was making Alex's head spin. Alex closed her eyes as her hands carefully threaded themselves in Olivia's hair and gently messaged her scalp. The older woman moaned softly as her eyes fluttered shut.

Olivia's hands faltered as Alex's fingers created a wonderful sensation that flowed through her. Alex opened her eyes and was mesmerised by the look Olivia had on her face. Alex couldn't resist and lowered her head and placed her lips against Olivia's.

It was soft and shy but soon it became much more heated. Pulling away and breathing heavily, Alex looked down at soft brown eyes and smiled. Olivia returned the smile and leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Alex's collar bone then slowly moved her way up Alex's neck.

Olivia pulled back and looked up at Alex once more. This time the smile she saw on Alex's face was different. It was a smile that melted away the last remnants of the day's event's and made Olivia forget everything except for the woman before her.

Alex trailed a finger from Olivia's neck to her shoulder and down her arm. She laced her fingers with Olivia's before she brought them to her lips and kissed Olivia's knuckles then guided them to the top of her breasts and left them there.

Olivia stared at her hands then slowly looked up and locked eyes with Alex. Smiling slowly Olivia lifted her head and kissed Alex again, this time it was with much more passion then before. She slipped her hands slightly and cupped Alex. Moaning, Alex leaned forward and pushed Olivia back.

**

* * *

The sun crept through the blinds hitting Alex square in the eyes. Shutting her eyes tightly to block it, Alex moaned at the intrusion. The body behind her begun to stir and Alex smiled softly to herself as she turned around. What greeted her made her smile even more.**

With hair dishevelled and falling into her eyes, Olivia smiled sleepily and leaned in for a soft kiss. Alex happily complied and as they pulled back she reached out and lovingly brushed the hair from Olivia's eyes.

"Hi."

"Mornin," Olivia mumbled as she buried her head into the pillow. Alex smiled as she tucked a hand underneath her pillow. Olivia yawned then smiled back.

"Did you sleep ok?" Olivia asked softly. She reached out and lightly traced an invisible pattern on Alex's bare arm.

Alex smiled and nodded, "like a baby." Olivia nodded silently. She was nervous and Alex picked up on it. The young woman wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist as she snuggled closer. Alex kissed the tip of Olivia's nose and grinned as Olivia scrunched her nose.

Their love making that night wasn't a spectacular show of fireworks nor was it an awkward ballet of limbs. It was of timid touches and light caresses mixed with a feeling of wonder.

Alex couldn't contain her grin. She felt almost giddy lying next to Olivia…a very _naked_ Olivia. The feeling was contagious since Olivia couldn't hide her goofy smile.

"That was nice," Alex said softly nearly bubbling with laughter. Olivia laughed quietly.

"_Just_ nice," Olivia asked; brow cocked. Alex bit her lower lip and nodded. Olivia's eyes twinkled as she continued to trace patterns all over Alex's body. Alex's eyes widened slightly as she felt Olivia's hands slip farther along her hip then lower.

"You sure about that?" Olivia whispered. She leaned forward until their lips were barely touching. Alex's breath hitched when Olivia's fingers stopped just right above her mound and Alex felt a wonderful tingling shoot through her body.

"Maybe we should just double check…in case…" Alex trailed off on a breathless sigh when Olivia lovingly caressed that spot. Alex's eyes fluttered shut and she moaned softly.

Olivia sealed the agreement with a heated kiss that lasted for ages. Moving over her, Olivia definitely made sure to _double check…_

**

* * *

**

"The D.A. is dropping the charges…well at least the ones they _think_ they had," Elliot said as he sat next to Olivia. Alex was sitting opposite of her.

Olivia just wrapped her hands around her cup of tea. She was quiet for a moment. Alex reached out and placed a warm hand over Olivia's. The older woman looked up and smiled tiredly.

Elliot was smart to keep his mouth shut but he couldn't help but notice the invisible protective wall Alex created around the two of them with that simple touch. He smiled inwardly.

_About freakin time_, Elliot thought. Clearing his throat, Elliot tossed Olivia her badge with a grin.

"Cap'n says that you can come back but only on one condition," Elliot ordered. Olivia sat there blinking patiently. "You take a couple days off to rest. At lest no later then the end of the week."

Elliot was ready for a fight but Olivia surprised him. She inhaled deeply then looking at Alex said softly, "ok."

Elliot sat back, blinking.

"That's it?"

Olivia turned and smiled at him; nodding silently.

"Ok then. See you next week partner," Elliot said as he stood and gave his friend a hug. Then looking over at Alex with a playful smile, "You take good care of her."

Alex stood and saluted. "Yes sir!"

After a few minutes of idle chit chat, Elliot was called out leaving Alex and Olivia alone. Olivia laced her fingers with Alex's and gave them a squeeze.

"So…what did you have in mind for me for the rest of the week?" Olivia asked trying not to sound too hopeful.

Alex smiled that special smile that was only reserved for Olivia.

"Well…," Alex stood as she tugged playfully on Olivia's hand, "mind if I show you instead?"

Olivia flashed her world famous grin. Alex's heart sped up another hundred miles.

"By all means," Olivia said huskily. She was led out into the hallway and down toward the elevators.

"By the way, did I mention? Langan represented me and Elliot put up a second mortgage on his house to get me out," Olivia stated casually as she leaned against the elevator walls. Alex's shy smile and red cheeks gave her away.

"Is that so?"

Smiling, Olivia nodded and quickly placed a soft kiss on Alex's neck.

"Hmm…I must have friends in _very_ high places," Olivia said with a knowing smile as the doors opened. The two stepped out and headed outside.

Alex grinned as she nodded.

"Yes you do."


	11. Authors note

Hello all,

I just want to apologize for the lack of updates. I have been putting updates together, piece by piece. I intend to update, just not sure _when_ that will be.

There have been a lot of changes, work wise, for me. For those of you who live in Canada, you may have already heard – the Government axed about 5000 jobs. I was one of the unlucky ones. Along with my library team, whom I've had the pleasure of working with for over 10 years, I will no longer be with a job by the end of the year. It sucks, but that's life. I will be pretty busy in the coming months figuring out what the next step will be.

But make one thing clear, I will update. I just don't know when, but I promise to update.

For those of you that have been waiting so very patiently and for those that are new, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please continue to be a little bit more patient with me – I'm coming back.

I'll see you all soon.

~JrB~


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